Go Titans Go!
I am not going to write a column about the Super Bowl. I have already written
one about the Titans this season, and that is enough. I hate football! Everyone
knows that. Would I pull my regular column and write something about football
just because the Tennessee Titans are going to the Super Bowl. No, not me!
Do you really think I care that the Titans, our team from right here in
Nashville, won the American Conference Championship? Do you really think it
matters to me that the whole city of Nashville has gone Super Bowl crazy? No, I
don't care. It doesn't affect me at all.
The fact that people are driving all over the city with blue
flags waving off their cars, and yelling, “Go Titans go,” means nothing to
me. I, in fact, found out a long time ago that Super Bowl Sunday is the best
time there is to go shopping. Everyone is at home watching the big game and the
malls are deserted.
Even if I should happen to stay home and watch the game, I will
only watch for the last ten minutes. That is all anyone ever talks about anyhow.
I can avoid watching the entire game, and still be in on any discussions later
–- just in case the necessity should arise.
Things have really been pretty wild around here this week. You'd think we never
had a winning football team from Nashville before. Well, come to think of it, we
haven't –- but that's beside the point.
I'm telling ya, it's awful! Strangers are speaking to each
other. The bank teller actually asked me a question today unrelated to my
deposit. “Got your Titans shirt on, I see?” he said. Others have reported
conversations about football erupting in the most unlikely of places: at the
post office, in grocery store lines, everywhere. Titans Fever is very
Am I impressed? Not me! I lived in Chicago when the Bears were in the Super
Bowl! It was the same thing, even in a place as big as Chicago. Suddenly people
who cared nothing about the team during the season became their biggest
Not me! Yes, I do have a sweatshirt that says “Champion
Titans” on it, but it doesn't count since I didn't buy it; someone gave it to
me. Besides, we were having a big “Support the Titans Day” at the office and
I needed something appropriate to wear. The and pom-poms were just an extra
I'm not gonna watch the game. I might watch the commercials. After all, the
commercials are one of the best parts of the Super Bowl. I'm not gonna get
caught up in all the hoopla. If the game is on and I just happen to be in the
room, and accidentally see part of it - I can't help that. But I'm certainly not
going to any Super Bowl parties, that is, of course, unless I get invited to
Can you believe this? The used shoes that Jevon Kearse wears in the game will be
autographed and auctioned off on the Internet for charity? Now who in their
right mind would pay good money for smelly old shoes? That is really just
carrying this authentic sports memorabilia thing a bit far, I think, even though
he is the NFL's "Defensive Rookie of the Year." I wonder how a person
goes about bidding on something like those shoes?
Half of Nashville left for Atlanta, snow or no snow. I-24 is bumper to bumper
with blue flags. The half that is staying here is over at Kroger's buying
groceries, getting ready to be snowed in and watch the game.
Well, yes, I know because I was at Kroger's myself. But it was
different for me. I actually needed groceries. The snacks I picked up were not
for the game. They were just incidentals. Someone might want a snack while
snowed in like that with nothing going on except THE SUPER BOWL.
The supply of Titans T-shirts was getting a bit low at Kroger's,
I noticed. Of course, they are being sold on street corners and in service
stations all over town -- just in case anyone should want one.
All the kids in Nashville are upset because they have to go to school on Tuesday
and can't go to the big parade to honor the Titans. Just because they are having
standardized tests that day, the school board said that there is no such holiday
as Tennessee Titans Day. Obviously, those school board members need to get out
Of course, I am totally oblivious to all of this. I am not going to write
another column about the Titans. I've already written one column about them,
(which is still in the archives, incidentally). I am not one bit upset that I
was not in the PSL lottery to go to Atlanta either. I'm not getting drawn into
all this madness!
And finally, I refuse, absolutely refuse to ever say GO