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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is a free-lance writer from Tennessee. She writes funny stuff about southern life, women's issues, family matters and anything else that she finds amusing.

She is seen weekly in the Daily News of Kingsport and Hill Country Times and appears in a monthly humor publication called Foolish Times. She has written for Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books have recently published a number of her articles in their Let There Be Laughter series of books. Her articles have appeared in numerous other publications, both print and online.

She is a board member and the Web Editor of Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for news columnists. She is also the Web Editor of SouthernHumorists.com as well as this website, HumorColumnist.com.

To carry her self- syndicated weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy.

National Society of
Newspaper Columnists

HumorColumnist.com
Online Since 1999

BY Sheila Moss...

Battle of the Bush

business,businesswomen,clippers,clipping,currencies,dollar signs,dollars,females,George,hardware,monies,nature,people,persons,plants,pruners,prunings,shrubs,tools,trimmers,trimmings The holly bush grew larger and larger, the wild sprouts taller and more difficult to reach. Each time I seemed to have to climb to a higher step on the ladder until there were no steps left, at least none that could be navigated safely.

Eying the Eye Doctor

eye doctors,eye exams,healthcare,medicine,occupations,optometrists,people at work,persons,vision care Once a year I go through the nuisance of going to the eye doctor. Oh, the aggravation of it all. And those awful drops that dilate your pupils and make everything fuzzy for hours.

My appointment is always made a year ahead so the doctor will be sure to get my repeat business without interruption.

Luv a Clown

clowns,dolls,households,stuffed toys,toys My daughter had three clown figurines in my grandson's room when he was a toddler. He didn't like them and she was going to throw them away until I rescued them. I had to promise to take them to work where my grandson's eyes would not see them. They stand there looking down over my desk from the bookshelf.

Back Seat Driver

It’s getting harder and harder to back seat drive these days, but I get a lot of practice with life in the fast lane while commuting to work every day. The speed limit on the Interstate is 70 miles an hour, but that seems to be merely a suggestion. The actual speed limit is as-fast-as- you-can-go-without- hitting -the-car-in- front-of-you. This offers excellent back seat driving opportunities.

Seeing Blue on eBay

It usually happens when I'm innocently looking for something and end up on eBay. I start browsing and first thing you know I find something I simply must have. My body takes control of my common sense and forces me to bid.

It's the fever -- auction fever. Once you decide you want something enough to bid on it, you can't stand it if someone else bids higher than you do

Barefoot Barbie

'I went to Walmart to check out the selection, which wasn't the greatest. What does a grandma know about buying a Barbie doll? I selected a pretty-faced, blond called Beach Party Barbie and a package of assorted Barbie clothes. So far I had a Barbie investment of under $25.

Lately my granddaughter has been coming to visit. While I keep a supply of all occasion toys, I found that I had a gross deficiency in toys geared toward little girls. I needed to add a few girly-girl toys directed toward her more feminine interests.

An Awesome Conference

I have recently returned from a trip to Indiana University for the annual conference of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. The three days there were such a swirl of experiences that I feel a bit like the monitor of my computer, which was green when I sat down to write. The computer monitor was easy to fix once I found the right button, but my own button is a bit harder to reset.

In most college towns there is a wide diversity of intellectual experiences and Indiana University is certainly typical in that respect. We crammed a whole lot of activity into a very short time.

My Dog Ate Saran Wrap

alert,border collies,dogs,fotolia,happy,loyal companions,panting,portraits,poses,sitting Gizmo is really a good dog most of the time. He's a 15 years old Sheltie who long ago outlived most of the other dogs of his breed. He spends most of his days napping and dreaming. His arthritis prevents much running and playing, and we don't think he hears or sees too well either.

Here lately, he really has us worried as he won't eat. He just doesn't seem to like his dog food any more. People food is another story. He is the world's biggest moocher when anyone is trying to eat. But the vet said "no people food" as it isn't good for him.

The Uncouth Tooth

Veer Images,clinics,dentists,face masks,patients,glasses,open mouths,dental mirrors,teeth,examining,steady hands I don't know what it is with me and tooth problems lately. I've made about six trips to the dentist office in the last few weeks. I spend more time there than the dentist does. Pretty soon I am going to ask for a designated parking space.

It all started when I had my teeth cleaned. I always have my six month checkup so I won't have any dental emergencies. Apparently, you can still have emergencies, regular checkups or not. Life is not fair.