Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Blue Christmas....

Blue Christmas

ClipArtDonít touch me! Iím contagious! I am never sick -- at least not in a virus sort of way. But, Iím sick.

Moan and groan Ė I have the crud. Actually, I have strep throat. Yes, you heard me right. Isnít strep throat something kids get?

It happened pretty quickly. One evening my throat started getting sore. It hurt all night. By morning it was a sure thing that I could not go to work. My head felt like a boom box, and my throat was a roaring fireplace. Nothing helped, not aspirin, not Hallís cough drops, not salt water gargles, none of the usual home remedies.

I figured if I was sick enough to stay home from work, I was sick enough to go to the doctor. Of course, you canít get in to see a doctor when you are sick. You have to have an appointment and by the time he can see you, you are no longer sick.

SoÖ enter Convenience Clinic. Yes, the one on the corner down near where old Walmart used to be. The Convenience Clinic had real doctors in its former days. Now clinics have nurses playing doctor. And they are everywhere, mini clinics even in drug stores. I guess real doctors donít want to waste their time treating sneezes and runny noses.

At this point I was not particular. I just wanted to see someone medical who could prescribe drugs. I must say, the nurse practitioner was very thorough and professional. It didnít really take a doctor to swab my throat and take my temperature. I think she actually checked me out better than the doctor usually does.

And if it is something really bad, the clinic will just refer you to the emergency room saying they are not equipped for serious problems. Bad as I felt, I didnít need an ER. I thought it was a virus, or the beginning of a cold. I was shocked when they told me I had strep throat. Iíve never had strep throat in my entire life, never. But I have it now.

ďSo, how long will I be contagious?Ē I asked. I had already missed one day of work.

ďForty-eight hours after you start taking the antibiotics,Ē she replied.

ďThen I canít go to work tomorrow either?Ē

ďNo, do you need a note for work?Ē

ďNot unless Iím out more than three days.Ē

I didnít want to go to the office and make everyone sick for Christmas. I got my antibiotics and went home to be stranded for 48 hours, suddenly remembering how I had put off my Christmas shopping until the last minute. This is why you shouldnít do that, I thought, after it was too late.

I declared war on germs and got out my brown bottle of Lysol. I cleaned anything that hands touch, doorknobs, light switches, telephones, you name it. Of course, strep is caused by bacteria, not a virus. You get it out of the air, just by being close to someone who sneezes or coughs. I donít know where I got it. But a sore throat is not what I wanted for Christmas.

My time is almost up. Three more hours and I wonít be contagious any more. I can go shopping. Thing is, Iím too sick. The crud has gone to my head and I canít breathe. And my stomach is acting up. I think I feel worse instead of better. I think Iíll go back to bed.

Santa came early at my house, and if this is my present, I must have been really naughty this year.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

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