Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
was more than we could resist. We had just been talking
about how long it had been since we had been on a riverboat and
how we need to get out and do something. Then an email came
offering tickets at half price. Kind of makes you wonder
about ESP, doesnít it?
"Itís Chinese acrobats," said the voice on the phone
when I reserved tickets. "And dinner is Land & Sea." Yes, I
knew that. It was in the email.
The night came and we got dressed and drove over there. They
have been doing construction on Briley Parkway for years it seems.
Will, they never get it finished? Between my honey's
aggressive driving and the crooked ride between concrete barriers,
I felt a bit like I'd been on a roller coaster by the time we
All we had to do was park and get on the boat. Park?
Easier said than done. They just keep building things, shopping centers,
theaters, and restaurants, all in a confined space with limited parking. We rode
around and around until someone finally backed out and we swooped in and
We stood in line to get aboard, getting our picture made whether
we wanted a picture or not. Once on the riverboat we thought
things would get better. But it was hotter than ... well, it was
hot. For some odd reason, we were not allowed inside the
theater until the boat left the dock and we stood in the
sweltering heat, fighting the bees that buzzed around my coke.
At last we got inside out of the heat and our waiter introduced
himself. Land & Sea turned out to be strong salmon and a small steak
that appeared steamed instead of broiled. But I'm getting
ahead of the story.
The waiters paraded out with trays held high and began serving.
We waited and waited. No food. Other people ate. We
sat. Finally, we attracted someone's attention and a
different waitress brought our food. We still don't know
what happened to our waiter. We didn't see him again until
time for the tips.
The show started and the acrobats twirled, tumbled, climbed,
contorted, juggled, balanced and all the strange things that acrobats do.
Before he did his disappearing act, the waiter had pointed to the sign above
the stage and said the entertainers would get up that high.
We thought he was exaggerating, but they actually did with a feat
involving stacking chairs higher and higher and balancing on top
of them. Cheap seats were in the back, but I was glad we were far
enough away to avoid getting acrobats in the middle of the table
if they fell off the stage.
At least we didnít have to sit with the Mafia this time.
The last time we went, we had some very strange folks at our table. I still
think they were gangsters. This time, however, we sat with ordinary locals
who were bringing some out of town guests. It's a tourist sort of
place. Come to think of it, the last time we were there we were taking out of
"How did you like it?" asked my honey afterwards.
"Well, except for the traffic, parking, food, heat, and
waiting, it was fine."
"Thatís pretty much all there is to it," he said.
Now I remember why it had been so long.
Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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