The Truth About Men -
Men think they are the superior sex. Just because
their muscles are stronger they have the silly idea that their gray
matter is adequate to a femaleís. What women lack in physical
strength, they make up for in mental superiority. The reason that men
all sleep with their mouths open is simply because their brain cells
are trying to get oxygen. Lack of oxygen is also what causes them
Men spend a lot of time denying their deficiencies
which is why they never get anything done. Women have to nag them for
days -- and that is just to get them up off the sofa. The only time a
man will ever get something finished is when it is time to watch the
ball game on TV. That means the best time to nag a man is right before
a big game. After the game starts, there is no point in trying to talk
If the woman says, "I had a terrible day,"
the man says, "Huh?"
If she says, "I wrecked the car," he says,
If she says, "Wanna have sex?" he says,
Men have the only truly universal language -- a grunt.
Men actually watch sports on TV just as an excuse to
drink beer. Why is it that men drink so much beer? Do they really
think that beer bellies look cool? If beer did not exist, men would go
thirsty. Who invented beer anyhow? It must have been a man. No woman
would invent a high calorie beverage without cream and sugar.
Men always accuse women of nagging them about watching
sports, but the reason women nag is because they could never get
anything done otherwise. Men really should come with consumer warning
labels. They have thousands of dollars worth of power tools and
wrenches but still canít change a washer for a drippy faucet. Of
course, that is because they never have the right two-bit washer.
Along with their other problems, men have a hard time
picking out their own clothes. They find several outfits that match
and then wear them over and over. If the green shirt is dirty, they
canít think of anything else that goes with the green pants. While
women have shoes for every outfit, men are so boring they only need
two pairs: black and brown. If the black shoes have to go in for
repair, the man can only wear half of his clothes. Men are unable to
go shopping alone also. After 20 years, a man still doesnít know the
length of his own inseam. It must be psychological denial.
Speaking of psychological denial, men are also
terrible at managing money, but still think they are superior to
women. Men complain about a few items charged on the credit card and
forget about the new computer they just bought. They always want to
control the money and to make the investments. It makes them feel
powerful to talk about the stock market --- whether they understand it
or not. If they are really so good with money, why do they keep losing
all their pocket change under the furniture cushions?
Men are always too involved with money and also with
their careers. They spend all their time and energy on the job and
then they are too tired for sex. They are NOT too tired to think about
it all the time, however. Men have three favorite things, and they all
begin with "S" -- beer, football, and sex. Why do these
words begin with "S"? Because one stinks, one is stupid and
one is much too swift.
After work, a man wants to unwind by watching TV. He
cannot watch it, however, without a remote control. When the remote
control was invented, he lost his ability to use the knob on the
television and it became obsolete. He has one remote for the TV and
one for the VCR. Men love electronic toys and gadgets. The VCR, of
course, is simply another unnecessary gadget that blinks and beeps.
Chances are he doesnít remember how to use the VCR. And since a book
doesnít operate by remote control, he canít look it up.
Of course, men never want to ask for directions for
anything anyhow. They also refuse to take lessons, except, perhaps,
golf lessons. This is because they canít admit that someone else
knows more than they do. With golf, however, they figure that no one
else can explain why the balls go where they do either.
With so many things on their small minds, men never
remember birthdays and anniversaries unless they are reminded. They
probably are trying to forget that they are married. It wonít work.
Women remember. The woman wants the man pick out her gift. He always
gets something expensive because he is too lazy to shop for a bargain
-- or else the saleswoman at Victoriaís Secret talked him into it.
In addition to being forgetful, men do offensive
things like belch and expect a woman to understand. Why should the
woman understand? The man should understand that she is offended and
not do it. That is why women are so sensitive and get their feelings
hurt, because men do not understand. If men understood women, they
would not "let their ears rest" while women are talking. How
can a woman explain anything when the man is not listening?
Iím glad we were able to have this little chat. I
just wanted to set the record straight about who is really in charge.
We certainly would not want anyone to think that women are just as
sexist as men are, would we? Besides, women still like men a little
bit in spite of their many faults. Guess that shows how forgiving
women are, doesnít it?
If there is anything else you want to know, just ask.
If I donít know the answer, Iíll just make something up. After
all, I made up all the rest of this stuff Ė at least that is what a
man would tell you.
Check out The
Truth About Women - He Says