world's largest online retailer, has this thing called Prime, which is
some sort of video club like Netflix. I'm not sure what it is as I'm
not really interested in paying $79 per year for it.
That being said, why is that this week I became a
When you buy from Amazon, this Prime membership thing
jumps out in front of you. It turns cartwheels across your computer
and twerks in your face attempting to seduce you with promises of good
things to come. The hook is Free Shipping. Sign up for Prime and get
FREE shipping on your order and a FREE Prime membership for a month.
However, they also offering free shipping for orders
over $35. That is more my type of incentive.
All I really wanted was a pair of leather gloves
before another polar vortex comes along. Unfortunately, when trying to
check out, I must have clicked the wrong button to claim my free
shipping. Before I knew what happened, I was rushing into Prime
membership like a sled in the luge.
How can I quit this free club before they zap my
credit card for a $79? "There is a problem with your
membership," said Amazon. At least we agree on something.
"Your default payment method is not valid." Yes, I know. I
cancelled that credit card. "If you don't change your default
payment method within 30 days we will cancel your Prime
membership," it threatened.
"Oh, goody! Cancel it! I didn't want it in the
So, I forgot about it and went on my merry way until
my gloves arrived. When I opened the package, however, there was a
problem. Who would think I could mess up ordering gloves, but one of
the thumbs had a big hole in the seam. Drat, they would have to be
I signed in to Amazon to find out how to return them
only to find myself in the customer doghouse. I could not access
services, specifically the return merchandise function. In raging
frustration, I found the customer service link. I was going to give
them a piece of my mind. "Send me an inferior item and then lock
me out so I can't return it?" But I couldn't get either the phone
or chat buttons to work.
After stewing a while, and shooting off an angry
email, I began to wonder if my locked out status had anything to do
with the rock on my account over the Prime membership thing. Much as I
hated to, I changed my credit card number. Instantly my email dinged
and I found myself a Prime member in good standing.
"Great, now how do I un-join?"
Like the road to hell, the road to Prime is wide and
easy while the road to resignation is a steep and narrow path. I
thought I would never find the tiny link, but after getting out my
magnifying glass and praying for forgiveness, I finally found the tiny
"do not continue" link, and escaped the evil clutches of
I still was locked out, though. It finally dawned on
me, "They have put a cookie on my computer." So, I cleared
my computer's cookies. Sure enough, I was able to sign in and proceed
through the return process just like a normal customer, except for my
clenched teeth and popping veins.
"We can't exchange the item, but we can refund
your money." Swell, that is even better. With my luck, they will
probably try to refund my money to the canceled card and shut down my
I think I will just go to the mall and buy a pair of
gloves. It seems a whole lot simpler.