Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
for the running mate
donít get it. I just donít get it. Why did he
pick HER when he could have had ME? Iíve got all the
right anatomical parts. If he felt like he had to have a
woman on the ticket, why not me?
According to what I read, not too many qualifications are
needed. And thatís exactly what Iíve got Ė not too
I have a pair of frameless glasses. I had
them fixed after one of the lenses broke. Frameless
glasses are sometimes not all they are cracked up to be -- just
like Vice Presidential candidates.
Now itís true that she has a nice hairdo with her hair pulled
up on top of her head, but I could put mine up in a beehive like
I used to back when that style was popular. So that should
not prevent me from being chosen
I have a lot of red dresses in my closet too.
I donít have five kids; I only have three, which means I would
have more time to devote to the office instead of to motherhood.
Iím already a grandmother, so Iím well ahead of her there as
She calls herself a soccer mom, but my kids were also involved
in sports. If she thinks soccer moms are tough, Iíve got
news for her. No soccer mom alive could take a little
leaguerís mom. Ask any umpire that came out alive
after calling a little league momís kid out at home plate.
Lipstick, Iíve got plenty of that, all shades, not just
Now I canít say that agree with her ideas on
whatís good for the environment, and Iím not really into
hunting or dressing moose. Why do they call it dressing it
anyhow? Shouldnít it be called undressing?
I can fish with a rod and reel, and Iíve been known to pull in
a few bass that put up a pretty good fight. However, I
have to admit that Iíd rather get my fish already fried down
at the catfish house.
As far as political experience, I never was the mayor of a small
town, but I was the wife of one. Being the wife of a
politician should count. It did for Hillary.
Iím not the governor of anything, but some people think that
being governor of Alaska is like not being governor of anything
either. It is so remote from the rest of the states that
people there live a different sort of lifestyle.
She just got a passport for the first time last year; Iíve had
my passport so long it has expired. Iíve been not only
to Canada and Mexico, but Iíve been to London too. If
not knowing much about international matters helps, Iím still
in the running.
She was a journalist in her earlier days, if you call a
sportscaster a journalist. Thatís why she can read a
teleprompter so well. As a writer, I could write my own
speeches and jokes, so we could probably save the campaign a few
dollars on that.
So, you can see that if being someone who is just like everyone
else is a good thing, then I definitely should have been the
running mate. If we donít need the brightest, smartest,
or most intelligent person to lead the country, then just about
anyone is qualified.
Thatís why I just canít understand it. My ego may not
quite be big enough yet, but if asked, I could not have declined
to serve. If not being qualified is a qualification,
I would have been the better choice.
Actually, I think I have it figured out. Considering the
lack of qualifications that I have, there could only be one
reason. I donít think it should matter with him claiming
to be a maverick and not a party regular, but apparently it
I guess he thought it would hurt the ticket Ė just because
Iím a member of the opposite party.
Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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