Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
||No, no, not snow!....
No, No, Not Snow!
Snow! Snow! Itís going to snow! Every year, itís the same old snow
panic. After a while, it gets tiresome.
Here it is March. No snow all winter, and now itís going to snow?
Oh, the weather people are so happy! They are beating the weather drums
and doing the weather dance, trying their level best to work everyone up
into a snow panic.
It doesnít take much. People in the South are just about as afraid of
snow as they are of a nuclear disaster.
I guess itís the weather personís duty to warn the public -- not
that it does any good. People have no sense. They donít know how to
drive in the snow, but wonít stay out of the way of those that do.
I write one of these silly weather columns every year. It never fails
that the S-word causes a major commotion at least once or twice a
winter. Lord, what would Southerners do if they had snow all the time?
Get used to it?
Ainít gonna happen, so no use speculating on it.
Bread, milk, and toilet paper - these are the essentials for snow. I
imagine these items are jumping off shelves into grocery baskets all
over town right now. Shelves will be picked clean.
Why? It isnít as if this is Alaska and we wonít be able to get out
for the rest of the winter. Geez, we donít even shovel the driveway
when it snows. Why bother? It will all melt tomorrow or the next day
Snow in the South is a rarity, but it does happen. It was snowing in
Atlanta earlier this year when we were traveling though. I met one woman
who had driven all the way from Orlando to see snow. Now, why in the
world would someone drive hundreds of miles in bad weather to see snow?
It was melting as fast as it fell.
I have to admit that there is a beauty to it all when
everything is covered with a white blanket and none of the gray drab of
winter can be seen. But snow in the country, and even the suburbs, is a
different issue from snow in the city. No one wants to become a part of
the circus on the highway called ďlearning to drive in the snow.Ē
So far, so good, the day is over and no snow yet, in spite of the
weather witches chant. I guess their job gets boring. Sunny today, rain
tomorrow. Rain today, sunny tomorrow. Like a foxtrot. At least snow is a
different tune to dance to.
Ears perk up when people hear the S-word. They are itching for a good
reason to lay off work anyhow. And, when it snows in Texas, they close
the schools in Tennessee in anticipation, another good reason to stay
home if the kids are out.
Will it? Wonít it? Let me check the forecast again. First they said an
inch or two, then two to four, then three to five. But now they have put
it off until tonight. If itís yet another false alarm, people are
going to be very disappointed.
Weather folks donít make the weather, they will say, they just try to
So, it finally snowed overnight. There may be a bluish inch of the
stuff, but itís still snowing. And itís Saturday. People can stay at
home with their bread, milk, and toilet paper.
But they wonít. Now they will have to think of another excuse to get
out in it. They were promised a disaster, and, by golly, they want to be
sure they get one!
Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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