NFL
Fever
 A severe affliction is sweeping the nation. It manifests itself in the fall
of the year in a mysterious syndrome which usually lasts until about February,
although in a few especially vulnerable people, it has been known to continue in
sporadic episodes throughout the year.
There is little or no hope for those
individuals who contract the ailment. While women are not immune, it seems to
strike the male gender more frequently and with greater severely. Often the sick
individual fails to recognize the disorder and will insist that he or she is
perfectly well and everyone else is sick.
While this syndrome has no agreed upon
medical name, it is sometimes referred to as "NFL Fever". Here are the
danger signs:
You have more than one big screen TV.
You record one game on the VCR while watching another.
You argue with instant replays.
You spend every vacation visiting NFL cities and checking out sports
stadiums.
Your beer bill during football season exceeds the family grocery bill.
You need a day off work to recover if your team loses the game.
You have a tee shirt with a sports logo not only for your favorite team, but
for every team in the league. (Yes, hats count too.)
If someone asks you a question, you do not answer until half time.
The remote control button for ESPN is worn down to a nub.
Your life ambition is to go for an entire season without missing a single
game.
You want to paint your house in your team’s colors.
You bought a fridge for your den to keep the beer cool.
You channel surf; you watch the game both on TV and
on the Internet, or you watch more than one TV set at the same time.
If someone says, How are you?" you say "Three points behind."
You would rather watch football than eat.
You think the Super Bowl is a national holiday.
You can’t carry on a conversation without bringing up sports.
You are offended when someone likes a different team and want to argue about
which team is better.
Your dog is named Peyton Manning.
You only speak in sports lingo.
You think being called a "sports fanatic" is a compliment.
You hit the TV or yell at it when your team misses a play.
Your three favorite things are: sacks, blitzes, and red dogs
You can’t remember your spouse’s birthday or anniversary, but know the
score of every game for the season and what teams played.
And worst of all, when you make love, you yell "touchdown!"
If you believe you or someone you love may be afflicted with this illness,
call 1-800-TICKETS and go to a real game for immediate symptomatic relief.
WARNING: This cure may be habit forming and should be used only with extreme
caution. Long term effects have not been studied, and symptoms may actually
increase or worsen with long term usage.
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