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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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NFL Fever....
 


NFL Fever

A severe affliction is sweeping the nation. It manifests itself in the fall of the year in a mysterious syndrome which usually lasts until about February, although in a few especially vulnerable people, it has been known to continue in sporadic episodes throughout the year. 

There is little or no hope for those individuals who contract the ailment. While women are not immune, it seems to strike the male gender more frequently and with greater severely. Often the sick individual fails to recognize the disorder and will insist that he or she is perfectly well and everyone else is sick. 

While this syndrome has no agreed upon medical name, it is sometimes referred to as "NFL Fever". Here are the danger signs:

You have more than one big screen TV.

You record one game on the VCR while watching another.

You argue with instant replays.

You spend every vacation visiting NFL cities and checking out sports stadiums.

Your beer bill during football season exceeds the family grocery bill.

You need a day off work to recover if your team loses the game.

You have a tee shirt with a sports logo not only for your favorite team, but for every team in the league. (Yes, hats count too.)

If someone asks you a question, you do not answer until half time.

The remote control button for ESPN is worn down to a nub.

Your life ambition is to go for an entire season without missing a single game.

You want to paint your house in your teamís colors.

You bought a fridge for your den to keep the beer cool.

You channel surf; you watch the game both on TV and on the Internet, or you watch more than one TV set at the same time.

If someone says, How are you?" you say "Three points behind."

You would rather watch football than eat.

You think the Super Bowl is a national holiday.

You canít carry on a conversation without bringing up sports.

You are offended when someone likes a different team and want to argue about which team is better.

Your dog is named Peyton Manning.

You only speak in sports lingo.

You think being called a "sports fanatic" is a compliment.

You hit the TV or yell at it when your team misses a play.

Your three favorite things are: sacks, blitzes, and red dogs

You canít remember your spouseís birthday or anniversary, but know the score of every game for the season and what teams played.

And worst of all, when you make love, you yell "touchdown!"

If you believe you or someone you love may be afflicted with this illness, call 1-800-TICKETS and go to a real game for immediate symptomatic relief. WARNING: This cure may be habit forming and should be used only with extreme caution. Long term effects have not been studied, and symptoms may actually increase or worsen with long term usage.


Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss

 
 



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