Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||A New Place....
A New Place
has been to a new place, a college campus, a large mall, or a large
building where you didn't know your way around or how to get to where
you want to be.
I knew how to get to my daughter's hospital room from the hospital
admitting office as that was the way I went the first time. After
that, it all became very puzzling and confusing, like a cornfield
There were corridors this way and halls that way, corners that stopped
at locked doors and signs that said "no admission." Even
when I knew exactly where I was going, I didn't always end up there.
There were at least four parking garages, and probably more that I
have not found. The first time I went there I found myself in a
parking lot reserved for doctors. Around the corner, I found the
entrance to the parking garage. It was plastered with signs that said
"no visitor parking." I parked there anyhow as it was the
only garage I knew.
After I parked, I followed the signs that said "hospital
entrance" across a bridge. I came in on the second floor of the
hospital, which is the first floor of the garage. The admitting office
is on the first floor of the hospital, but you could not get there
from this area of the second floor, and I had to find an elevator down
to the first floor.
From the first floor, I was directed to the waiting room on the fifth
floor via elevator B. I'm still not certain how I got there. I was
afraid I might never find my daughter as I had no earthly idea where
anything was at this point and was feeling a little dizzy.
From the fifth floor, I went up to the sixth where her room was. That
was easy. Except the only way I knew to get back to the parking garage
and my car was from first floor where I could get on elevator A to go
to the second floor where the exit to the parking garage was found.
On day two, I parked on level four of the garage as level one was
full. Since the entrance to the hospital was on level one, I had to
take the garage elevator down to level one and enter the hospital on
the second floor close to elevator A. But it is elevator B that goes
to the sixth floor as well as to the cafeteria on the first floor in
case you have to stop for nourishment while wandering around looking
It seems that new wings had been added through the years as the
hospital grew. Eventually, it became a conglomeration of old sections,
new wings, additions, subtractions, divisions, multiplications and a
bit of algebra. None of the floors for difference sections seem to
match up with each other. Everyone else seemed to know exactly where
they were going and rushed by like they were late for an appointment.
There has to be a better way, I decided, after taking elevator B down
to the first floor, where I got on elevator A to the second floor, and
exited to level one of the parking garage where I caught the garage
elevator to the fourth floor. If the car would have been missing, I
wouldn't know whether it was stolen or if I was on the wrong level.
Then I found out that I could park in a different garage for visitors
and take a crosswalk to the hospital from level three of the garage to
level two of the hospital. I would come out at elevator B, which I
could take to sixth floor. If I followed the signs and didn't go to
the wrong wing, I could find my daughter's room close to the nurses'
station or at the end of the rainbow, whichever came first.
I'm telling you, parking gets more complicated every day. At this rate
I will be in the hospital myself soon, mumbling incoherently about
alphabetical elevators to nowhere.
Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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