Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Letter to the Car....

  Letter to the Car

Dear Car,

Can we talk? You and I need to have a little discussion. You seem to be having a lot of problems lately. Is there something wrong that I don't know about? Every time I turn around, you seem to have another ailment.

I know the nail in your tire was not your fault, but you could be a little more careful and watch where you are going so you do not pick up nails. I thought we could get it patched up and you would be okay, but that seems not to be the case. A major tire transplant was not in my budget for this month.

Then there is the matter of the turn signal light going out. Please. How many times have I told you not to be winking at other cars, even if they are cute little sports models? The turn light is to use only when turning or changing lanes on the Interstate. And now your other turn light has gone out too. I give up!

I have been very good to you, car. I've had your oil and filter changed every 3,000 miles, all your fluids checked, and given you anything else you needed. You have had no major mechanical problems or nervous breakdowns. And you still look hot, much younger than your actual mileage.

Remember you have over 100,000 miles on you. Even though you look good, your parts are not what they used to be. I don't want you to get the idea that you have earned the right to do as you please. If these minor ailments continue, I may have to consider garaging you.

Your tendency to refuse to shift into reverse is also beginning to be annoying. I know you think it is amusing, but I am not laughing. It is starting to get on my nerves. If you think I'm going to go out and get you a new transmission, you can forget it. So, you might as well stop the funny stuff and quit being so shiftless.

I know you need to have the window fixed that will not roll down, but it will be a major operation. It is just one of those things that happen when you get a little older. We all start to have a few aches and pains and things that don't work exactly right.

May I remind you that we could have had the window fixed, but we had to get a new tire instead?

I guess that's about enough. You need to realize that you are getting older and quit trying to live life in the fast lane. Your premium gasoline has gone to your heads. I'm not sure how much longer I can afford to keep you around, especially if you continue to have these mechanical problems all the time.

I just wanted to put you on notice. You are not getting the Mcguires wax that you wanted. However, I did buff out those scratches on your rear-view mirrors that you got trying to squeeze into a garage that is too small for you.

Remember, you need to go to the car wash on a regular basis and clean the bugs off your windshield. That cheap air freshener that you had after your last visit to the car wash was a bit much, though.

So, that is about all I have to say to you right now. I could not trade you in even though your remote entry went out. We've been through too many close calls together. I might even get you an alignment the next time your oil is changed just to show there are no hard feelings.

But, please, take care of yourself and slow down a bit. Read the owner's manual and take its advice. You can have a lot more miles before it is time to re-tire.

The Owner

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss

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