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Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Home on the Kitchen Range....

Home on the Kitchen Range

I give up, I tell you. I give up. I'm sure everyone has things that go wrong, but I seem to attract problems like the living room sofa attracts cat hair. When the kitchen range stops working, it is aggravating, especially when said kitchen range is only three years old. Warranty? Ha, does anything every stop working while it is under warranty? It's a long story, but it is not as if I have anything else to do, like make dinner or bake a cake.

You may recall that several years ago my old kitchen range went off like the Fourth of July, throwing sparks across the kitchen. It was time for a new stove. Appliances now have ceramic cooktops, touch-pad buttons, and ovens that are self-cleaning. "This might not be such a bad thing," I thought, as I looked at a gleaming stainless-steel model.  Soon one of the fancy ranges was in my kitchen and I was a happy housewife… until a few weeks ago.

It was the large burner that I use the most that quit working. Then the rest of them quit too. Apparently, they don't make appliances like they used to, but at least there were no fireworks this time. The repair guy came, and I coughed up the money for an estimate. He told me it would be expensive to fix it and he was not exaggerating, $525. He had to replace not only the burner, but the control panel, whatever that is.

At that price, I might as well buy a new one. My 3-years-old stove had already gone out twice and chances were it would do it again. "This is a bad brand," the repairman said; "We have a lot of trouble with them. They don't make them like they used to." (I knew it!)

Since I had to get a new stove, I thought I would change to gas. I like cooking with gas and it doesn't seem nearly as prone to breakdowns. I called the gas company to install a gas line and was told they didn't do that; I needed to call a plumber. Of course, why would I expect the GAS Company to install a GAS line?

The plumber put us on his calendar (Plumbers are very busy.) and we continued to microwave, use a crock pot, and eat out. Eating out was getting expensive. The plumber's estimate was free, but the gas line would be almost a thousand dollars. "Gas is not cheap," he said. On top of that, I needed an electric plug behind the stove and, of course, a new range. I was looking down the throat of two thousand dollars.

I decided to stick to an electric range whether I liked it or not. But I would go to a different store and get a different brand without the fancy electronics. Unfortunately, they all have at least some electronic controls nowadays. I selected the most unsophisticated one I could find.

The delivery service came to install it. "Mum, something is wrong with your plug. It is not working right." That figures. Did the range cause the plug to go bad, or did the plug cause the range to go bad? Might as well ask which came first the chicken or the egg?

After three days of calling every electrician in the phone book, (Electricians are very busy) I finally found one who answered the phone.  He came this morning. It was the breaker. I had tried resetting it, but it seems there were two breakers instead of one -- another service charge for nothing. 

Now my crock pot has gone haywire too. What is it with me and appliances? I give up, I tell you; I give up.


Copyright 2015 Sheila Moss

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