Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Wow, just look at all the snow! The city must be buried. I knew there
would be snow. The weatherman said so, 1 to 2 inches, the biggest
snowfall of the season so far. I knew that it would snow. The weatherman
promised. But, it must be invisible. I can't see any snow.
The kids are going wild with the anticipation of being out of school and
running in and out of the house all day to make snowballs and snowmen.
Most schools are closed, since the weatherman said the weather was
definitely going to be bad. You're not going to believe this, but I
can't see those snowmen either. Something must be wrong with my eyes.
The adults went wild yesterday too with the usual snow panic when the
weatherman predicts a snowstorm. Everyone went to the grocery store to
"stock up" for the big storm --- everyone but me. I've really
messed up. Don't know how I'll get though all those invisible snowdrifts
to make it to the store today.
I came to work as usual today. Traffic was light due to the invisible
ice on the roads. Most people must have stayed home to enjoy the
invisible snow and eat up the bread and milk they bought yesterday. If I
can't make it home tonight due to the invisible ice and snow, it will be
my own fault. I can't say I wasn't warned.
The papers are predicting a second round of snow tonight. Second round?
Then the first round must be out there -- somewhere. The paper also
invited people to send in pictures of the snow. Funny, when I take
pictures, the snow doesn't show up. Too bad. No one will believe how
beautiful this invisible snow is without pictures.
Good thing the city was ready for the snow this time. They loaded the
salt trucks and sprayed the streets with brine yesterday. The paper
explained what brine is; apparently saltwater is a new thing around
here. Brine prevents the snow from sticking until the snowplows can
remove it. All I can say is those snowplows have done a fantastic job. I
can't see a flake of snow anywhere.
Someone said that weathermen get bored due to our lack of exciting
weather events to predict. So when we have a really big storm front like
this, they get a little carried away. Thank goodness they let us know
about it ahead of time. It would be terrible to be buried in invisible
snow and not even know it.
I haven't heard how many inches of invisible snow we have out there.
They seem to be strangely silent about it. You would think that after
all the exciting predictions, school closings, panic shopping, missed
worked, brined roads, loaded salt trucks and gassed-up snowplows that
they could at least tell us how many inches of invisible snow we have.
I have to say one thing about the weathermen; they haven't backed down
an inch. By golly, they predicted snow and if it doesn't come today then
it's going to come tomorrow. And by the time tomorrow gets here, they
will have consulted their radar, weather satellites, barometers,
thermometers, almanacs and witch doctors to come up with some
explanation for all this invisible snow.
We know all the excuses: The cold front disintegrated just before it got
here. It took a strange turn and went south of us. It went north and
snowed just a few miles away from where we are. The barometric
conditions were not right in the upper atmosphere. It snowed but
vaporized before it hit ground. It's due to global warming.
Of course, everyone knows the real explanation. Weathermen don't look
out the window to see what it's doing outside. They are too busy
studying their radar, charts and instruments and predicting invisible
If I didn't know that it was invisible, I'd swear that it didn't snow at
Copyright 2007 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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