We've been hearing a lot in the news about a disease called swine flu. Laughter is always the best medicine for flu or any other illness.  From the funny farm, these are the symptoms: 

YOU MIGHT HAVE SWINE FLU IF. . .   

* You always pig out at food bars. 
* You got a traffic ticket for being a road hog. 
* You only go to work to bring home the bacon. 
* You call your bathtub the wallowing hole. 

Continued

Girls who wear glasses

I became a girl who wore glasses when I was just a little thing, about 7 years old, if my memory serves me correctly -- and it's possible that it doesn't as that was a long time ago.

I always had to go to Charlotte to an eye specialist as my vision problem was not something that could be treated by the doctors in the small North Carolina town where I lived. They were so bad that I even had surgery on my eyes at one point.

The Somalia Pirate Dog

WASHINGTON DC - There is another new Top Dog in the White House.  It is not a Portuguese Water Dog; however, it is an unusual dog known as a Somalia Pirate Dog.  The new dog is named "NO", ťwhich is a word that will probably be heard a lot in the dog's new home.

This new dog is not a pedigree dog. He is a mongrel who grew up in the streets. Abandoned by his first owner, he learned to do whatever he had to do to survive. Eventually he ended up in an animal shelter, where he did hard time until he was rescued. The Somalia Pirate Dog was a gift to the Obama's from Congress -- yet another bailout.

Turtleneck Sweaters

Did you ever try to find a turtleneck top in the summer? I'm here to tell you folks, it isn't easy. 

Last winter the Land's End catalog was full of them, all colors. They even came in tall sizes with long sleeves that are a few inches longer than the average turtleneck like you find in stores.

Lately, I have found that I have a legitimate need for turtleneck tops. I had no idea they were so hard to find. I recently had surgery on my neck. The incision healed, but it left a nasty looking scar on my neck, hard to hide with anything other than a turtleneck. 

The Sales People

Good old Spring!  The warmer weather seems to have brought out the solicitors in my neighborhood like the dandelions.  I can't remember ever having so many people selling door-to-door. I don't know if it is the bad economy, or some other phenomenon that I've not figured out yet. 
 
Just the other day someone came to the door wanting to sell me new windows for my house. I have windows, of course, but theirs were some fancy kind that you can wash from the inside.  "Your neighbor down the street just bought new ones from us," he said.

The Vacuum Cleaner

What can I do? What can I do? The vacuum cleaner is sitting there waiting for me. I hate to vacuum. It is one of the best bad inventions ever. I've tried all kinds of vacuum cleaners, but it doesn't seem to matter what kind I have, they are all basically the same. They suck.

They seem to have a mind of their own about what they will eat. Oh, sure, as long as the floors do not have any loose objects on them, things go well. The vac will hum along okay and pick up the loose dust and deposit it inside its paper belly.

Puppy Love

Oh, no!  How can she be in heat?  She is still a puppy, only 8 months old. 

“Well, I don’t know, but she was blinking her eyelashes and shaking her buns at the neighbor’s lab.” 

The black lab?  Oh, my gosh! 

She is a tiny little Shih Tzu, a froo froo dog.  She could not possibly be flirting with a lab.

“I grabbed her up and ran inside before they had time to get friendly,” said my honey.

And more funny stuff in the archives!