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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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iPhone is Not for Dummies

beverages,business women,businesses,cell phones,coffees,communication devices,communications,drinking,females,multitasking,multi-tasking,people,persons,phones,telephones,women,work,working"Open it." He said, handing me a small box.

It isn't my birthday and it is too early for Christmas. The box had an apple with a bite out of it on front. Even I knew what that logo meant. And when I opened it, there it was -- a shiny new black iPhone.

Some people have to have the newest and latest electronic item as soon as it is released. When the iPhone first came out a year ago, we had to go to the Apple store and stand in line with the other early innovators so Honey could get one on the first day. I've never really been a gadget person. 

But here it was, future staring me right in the face -- ready or not.

The guy at the phone store had transferred my phone directory already and had it ready to go. Go where, I wasn't quite sure. I figured turning it on was a good place to start. I pushed the only button and the phone came to life. "Slide to start," it said on the phone, so I did and up popped a screen like a mini computer.

"Where's the owner's manual?" I asked.

"That little 10 page pamphlet?" How hard can it be if it takes only 10 tiny pages to explain? They seemed to assume you were somewhat technically savvy. Like most computer manuals, it didn't make much sense. I decided to try and figure it out myself and things went better.

I found a tiny keyboard where I could type text messages or email. But the keys were so tiny and my fingers so large. I could not get it to type the right letters. After typing the letter before, the letter after, and the letter above, I finally figured out that if I lined a key up with my hangnail, it would type the right letter. This is going to be some slow going, I thought.

I found out the browser is called Safari, not Internet Explorer. You can tell I'm not an Apple person. Anyhow, I was able to check my email with the help of my hangnail and the backspace.

I really didn't see the point when I had a computer at home with a screen big enough to see. I supposed I would learn to love it. Everyone else seems to. And Honey was so please with himself for thinking of it that I couldn't disappoint him by being too dumb to use it.

I eventually figured out how to make a call with it. Sometimes I hit the wrong name in the directory, and had to explain I was breaking in a new phone.

I finally figured out how to make the tiny web pages large enough to read, though it really seemed like more trouble than it was worth unless you are really desperate to read a webpage. Actually, I learned that from the TV commercial which showed how to pull it in two different directions to enlarge.

"Can I borrow your iPhone?" asked my grandson when he found out I had one.

"What for?" I asked.

"My friend and I want to make a video." he said.

I knew it had a camera, but this thing makes videos? I finally figured out that feature. At least I am as smart as a fifth grader, I thought.

Now if I can just figure out how to make my fingers fit the tiny little keyboard, maybe things will be okay.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

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