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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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iPad Lesson....

The iPad Lesson

Now that you have it, what do you do with it? Today we are going to learn to use an iPad.

Step 1: Turn on the iPad. Where is the button? It's that little dent, sort of like a belly button.

So far so good, now you are ready to actually use it. What do you mean, where is the mouse? An iPad does not have a mouse. It has a touch screen. You use your finger instead of the little arrow. Pretty cool, huh?

Yes, it can do other things, lots of other things. Like what? Well, it can access the internet for starters. The iPad uses Safari as a browser. Why? Because it is an Apple product. That's the only reason we need. Touch the blue button that says Safari. See, it opens up just like Internet Explorer.

It's too little to read? Tap it twice and it will become larger. Turn the iPad sideways and the screen turns too. Cute.

You can touch any icon to open up an app. App is short for application. No, you are not applying for anything. Apps are program that run on the iPad. Get it?

Don't get carried away yet. Let me finish explaining some of the features.

The envelope will take you to your email. How does it know? Because your email address and password are in the settings. Settings are complicated. Just take my word for it. They did it at the store when you bought it. You were probably busy deciding what color of case you wanted.

How do you write a message? It has a built in keyboard. No, it is not a real keyboard. Just use your thumbs. Don't worry about errors. It is very smart and will fix your misspelled words. You should like that.

It also has a camera. I know you have a camera already, but now you have two. Okay? Touch the button. See, the screen shows the picture you are taking. Click the little camera. Watch out! That hole on the back is the lens. Next time, be sure you move your finger first.

It does not have a phone. You can text. That is like email, except different. If you want to make calls, you can call other Apple users with FaceTime. It is a video phone. It shows your face to the person you call and their face to you. Yes, like Skype, except it only works on iPads or iPhones. Why? It was designed that way.

Let's go on to iTunes. You set up an account with an Apple password and then you can download more apps, like Facebook, Twitter , music or games. Some are free and some cost money. Wait!! Now see what you have done? That was a $9.99 music app you just downloaded. You have to be more careful from now on.

Try a game. Oh, you have heard of that one? It is free. See the slingshot with the little bird in it? Pull it with your finger and try to knock down the pig's house. I don't know why they want to knock down the pig's house. Because they are angry! I'm getting that way myself.

Another neat app is called Siri. Hold down the start button. See, she says "What can I help you with?" You tell her what you want to do, like "Siri, what's the weather forecast." Yes, you can do it yourself without Siri. No, Siri cannot shoot pigs at birds. It is still imperfect.

Stop downloading all those games! Stop, stop, I say!

I give up. Just figure out the rest for yourself. You can't teach anything to a kid these days. Ten minutes on an iPad and they know more than you do.

Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss

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