Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
The iPad Lesson
that you have it, what do you do with it? Today we are going to learn to
use an iPad.
Step 1: Turn on the iPad. Where is the button? It's that little dent,
sort of like a belly button.
So far so good, now you are ready to actually use it. What do you mean,
where is the mouse? An iPad does not have a mouse. It has a touch
screen. You use your finger instead of the little arrow. Pretty cool,
Yes, it can do other things, lots of other things. Like what? Well, it
can access the internet for starters. The iPad uses Safari as a browser.
Why? Because it is an Apple product. That's the only reason we need.
Touch the blue button that says Safari. See, it opens up just like
It's too little to read? Tap it twice and it will become larger. Turn
the iPad sideways and the screen turns too. Cute.
You can touch any icon to open up an app. App is short for application.
No, you are not applying for anything. Apps are program that run on the
iPad. Get it?
Don't get carried away yet. Let me finish explaining some of the
The envelope will take you to your email. How does it know? Because your
email address and password are in the settings. Settings are
complicated. Just take my word for it. They did it at the store when you
bought it. You were probably busy deciding what color of case you
How do you write a message? It has a built in keyboard. No, it is not a
real keyboard. Just use your thumbs. Don't worry about errors. It is
very smart and will fix your misspelled words. You should like that.
It also has a camera. I know you have a camera already, but now you have
two. Okay? Touch the button. See, the screen shows the picture you are
taking. Click the little camera. Watch out! That hole on the back is the
lens. Next time, be sure you move your finger first.
It does not have a phone. You can text. That is like email, except
different. If you want to make calls, you can call other Apple users
with FaceTime. It is a video phone. It shows your face to the person you
call and their face to you. Yes, like Skype, except it only works on
iPads or iPhones. Why? It was designed that way.
Let's go on to iTunes. You set up an account with an Apple password and
then you can download more apps, like Facebook, Twitter , music or
games. Some are free and some cost money. Wait!! Now see what you have
done? That was a $9.99 music app you just downloaded. You have to be
more careful from now on.
Try a game. Oh, you have heard of that one? It is free. See the
slingshot with the little bird in it? Pull it with your finger and try
to knock down the pig's house. I don't know why they want to knock down
the pig's house. Because they are angry! I'm getting that way myself.
Another neat app is called Siri. Hold down the start button. See, she
says "What can I help you with?" You tell her what you want to
do, like "Siri, what's the weather forecast." Yes, you can do
it yourself without Siri. No, Siri cannot shoot pigs at birds. It is
Stop downloading all those games! Stop, stop, I say!
I give up. Just figure out the rest for yourself. You can't teach
anything to a kid these days. Ten minutes on an iPad and they know more
than you do.
Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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