Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
joy over having a clean house was short lived after cleaning the
cabinets, closets, garage and anything else that was cluttered. I soon
realized that the downstairs was only a minor part of the mess driving
me crazy. I think I must have an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
So you can imagine what it was like when I realized that the worst was
still left to do – the attic. I call it “Hoarders' Heaven.” It was
not that long ago when my daughter and I combined efforts and
straightened everything out. It looked about as good as any storage area
Circumstances piled up and caused all this to change. For the last
several years I've not been able to climb the stairs without difficulty
and certainly not carrying a box. Therefore, I trusted the men in my
life to take things upstairs to the attic for me.
My son divorced and came home to stay for a while. With him came
one-half of another household. I knew he was putting a few things in the
attic. "Put your name on your things," I advised, "so we
will know what is yours." The boxes must have multiplied. That many
boxes could not possibly have gone through my house and upstairs without
Even worse than the sheer amount of clutter is the lack of organization.
When I asked for something to be taken upstairs, it was taken to the top
of the stairs and abandoned. Other things were haphazardly thrown
around. Without a woman's watchful eye, it has truly begun to look like
a hoarders' heaven.
"What we need to do," said Honey, in one of his helpful
minutes, "is get rid of the junk and finish up the attic into
bedrooms.” That seemed like a great idea as we really need the extra
space now, especially when the grandchildren come to visit. What he
actually meant was, "YOU clean and get rid of all the clutter as I
want to watch football on television.”
Still, I had great enthusiasm about the project. The first step would be
to minimize the amount of junk and keep only what was reusable in the
foreseeable future or has great sentimental value. My daughter and
conspirator agreed and she is willing to help get rid of most of stuff,
bless her heart.
I have many leftovers from prior moves, things that worked in other
homes in other lives and that I thought I might use again sometime. It
has become abundantly clear that those things will never be used.
"If it is worth keeping, it is worth displaying," became my
motto. Obviously, I can't display it all.
The idea is to store any stored furniture that can be used after the
renovation, donate the rest, and have a giant garage sale with whatever
is sellable. The garage sale has almost become a problem of its own as
the garage is now the beneficiary of all things not worth keeping, but
too good to throw away.
The scope of the project is greater than I imagined, as well as the
depth of the dust, the number of deceased lady bugs, and the volume of
things we didn't want and didn't know what to do with.
I have packed plastic bins, sneezed, sweated and gone up and down stairs
with boxes dozens of times. My son just came in and said he is taking
two days off work next week and will move all his stuff out. If I can
figure out what to do with the rest of the useless items, I'll be ready
I hope the new space will be worth all the effort involved. My only
concern is that after the renovation, what will we do with our new junk?
Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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