Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
||Toys for Grownups...
Toys for Grownups
it is time for the holidays again, and we are deciding what to
buy for our significant others. Manufactures, sensing our
indecision and ability to be readily influenced, have honed
their marketing proficiency and offer us a wide variety of
senseless gift selections.
Number one on the "wish list" this year will be the
digital camera phone, a cell phone that takes pictures and
video. No electronic gadget can possibly be expected to do only
one thing anymore. Conveniently becoming available only a few months before Christmas, camera phones will
undoubtedly be a hot seller, in spite of their high-end price
If you couldnít wait for Christmas and already have a digital
camera phone, there are many other ridiculous items to choose
from. For instance, we have the two-wheel electric, personal
transporter with a $5,000 price tag. You can stand on it and zip along for up to 10 miles, saving your
energy for more important tasks. No wonder we donít get enough
exercise. The only thing we exercise is the brain while thinking
of new ways to get in worse physical shape than we are already.
If a personal transporter doesnít float your boat, how about
getting a hovering saucer to ride? It floats on air just above
the ground and is guided by holding on to handle bars and
shifting the weight of the body. It costs as much as a car and
only works well over solid surfaces, such as concrete or
asphalt, but if you are a "wanna be" space cadet,
itís as close to having a private flying saucer as you can
Still thinking? Remember the Global Positioning System for cars
that uses satellite signals for navigation and emergency
assistance? Now you can get a GPS to keep up with your child.
Iím not kidding! The child wears it like a wristwatch and can be located anywhere at any time. Of course,
manufacturers donít realize that once we get them out of the
house, we would probably be better off not knowing.
Maybe you could use an air purification system for your home or
a desktop model for the office. Not only does it filter the air;
it has a special ultraviolet light to kill any germs, mold
spores or bacteria in the air. We already disinfect and
deodorize our homes, breath, and underarms to the point of
absurdity; we now must disinfect the air we breathe.
Still leaning toward electronics, are we? How about the N-Gage?
Itís a combination game deck, MP3 player, wireless browser and
cellular phone. Weíve previously established that nothing can
do only one thing these days. Electronic gadgets are the
ultimate multi-taskers, and most all of them incorporate some
combination of new technologies. Funny how we suddenly have a
"need" for these things, in spite of the fact that we
have lived without them for all these years.
Remember the tiny wireless cameras that were marketed all over
the Internet last year whether we wanted one or not? Well, this
year they are selling a tiny gadget to detect hidden mini
cameras. That figures! One manufactured need creates the market for another. And so it goes.
My favorite, most favorite, gift of all, however, is the
voice-activated remote control that can be programmed to change
channels and make television adjustments on voice commands. It
has finally happened. We have grown too lazy to even push buttons on a remote control!
Next yearís hot item will probably be an electronic,
multi-tasking, garbage can to throw away all the senseless and
useless junk we bought this year.
Copyright 2003 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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