Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Grandma the Babysitter....
other day I was invited to baby-sit my 2-1/2 year old
granddaughter while her mommy and daddy went out. The plan was
for me to go to their house so she would be on familiar turf.
When I arrived, she met me at the door with 'The Big News.'
"Grandma, I used the potty." It's not what I expected
to hear the minute I walked in the door.
I know there are many things in the world of more earth-shaking
importance, like bringing home the troops, solving the
immigration problem, and whether Britney Spears is pregnant
again. But potty training is a major accomplishment in the life
of a toddler, so I praised her even though I was thankful that
the deed was done and I didn't have to go see.
Little Miss Big Girl is at the age now when she is trying to act
grown up and wants to please adults. She has her own pink room
with butterflies on the ceiling and a real bed instead of a baby
crib. And, she proudly wears training pants instead of a diaper.
She decided that Grandma should read her a book. I had expected
something along the line of "Big A, little A, what begins
with A? Aunt Annie's alligator, A-A-A." However, what she
selected was a book about God. The kid is a deep thinker – it
undoubtedly must be the good genes she inherited.
She tried to trick ol' grandma into giving her the snack that
mommy said she could have later on. But, It didn't work. Grandma
is wise to all the tricks. After all, I raised her daddy.
After a while, she wanted to go potty again.
"Do you need help?"
"I can do it myself," she replied with hands on her
hips. I eavesdropped to be sure she didn't fall off and took
only four squares of paper instead of half the roll.
Mommy had said she could have one M&M as a reward if she
stayed dry and didn't have an accident.
We had several more potty trips after that, each one followed by
one M&M. I began to suspect that she was more interested in
the rewards than the task.
I gave her a new toy, an "Ugly Doll" that I got from
the gift shop at a hotel. Ugly Dolls are sort of a fad item.
They are weird, but also soft and loveable. This one was a pink,
dog-like creature with three eyes.
"One, two, three," she counted. Then she counted her
own eyes, "One, two?" She looked puzzled and tried
again, "One, two, three?" "One, two?" I
don't think she ever figured it out, but that's okay, as I
couldn't figure it out either.
"Grandma, can we go to your house?"
"I think we are supposed to stay here."
"But you have popsicles at your house," she explained.
Kids never forget.
She then showed me her green toenail polish, and pointed out
that I had only ordinary red polish on my toenails.
"Who polished your nails?" I asked.
"That lady," she replied.
"Did you have a pedicure?"
The Ugly Doll was envious, I'm sure.
She rubbed her eyes, but refused to put on pajamas as that meant
bedtime. I'm not sure who fell asleep first, but she was
sprawled out on the floor sleeping and I was dozing on the couch
when mommy and daddy got home. I hope I won't be fired for
sleeping on the job.
We are all going out to eat soon for daddy's birthday.
Granddaughter's new favorite restaurant is Applebee's.
Of course, that's probably because she doesn't know that Ruby
Tuesday's has popsicles.
Copyright 2007 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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