Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Mad Elevator Ride....
The Mad Elevator Ride
was at the office and in a hurry. I needed to take a document to
I hopped on the elevator alone and pressed the button for the 5th
floor. The elevator went to the 4th floor and opened. "No, I
want the 5th floor," I insisted, pressing the button again.
Stupid elevators. Why can't they work right? I don't have time to
play elevator games.
This time the elevator went to the 15th floor. What is going on
here? I looked out to see if I saw anything unusual, but all was
well. I suppose I should have stepped off right then and just
waited for another elevator, but I'm the die-hard type.
Thinking hard, I decided maybe the elevator was stopping one floor
below where it was supposed to stop. I would trick it. I pressed
the button for the 6th floor, but elevator didn't do anything.
Now I've confused it, I thought. I pressed the 5th floor button
again, nothing happened. I pressed the "open door"
button. Nothing. "I'm stuck!" I looked for the red
emergency button, but there wasn't one.
About that time the elevator started moving. "Oh, good,"
I thought. I didn't care what floor it stopped at by this time; I
was getting off. It went to the bottom floor and stopped. But the
door didn't open. I was still stuck. By now I was starting to feel
a bit of panic.
"Stay calm," I said to myself, but obviously, I was
anything but calm. I tried to make a deal with the elevator.
"Okay, elevator, if you will just open up I will get off and
never ride you again." Nothing happened.
I pressed every single button and they all lit up, but the
elevator didn't move an inch. I banged on the door and yelled
hoping someone would hear me.
All the buttons suddenly went out.
I pressed 5th floor button. The elevator started moving, but it
didn't stop on five. It went all the way to the top and then all
the way to the bottom, again and again. I was feeling a little
"Okay, elevator, you win. Just take me to whatever floor you
want." I banged on the door and yelled, "Let me
out!" The elevator went to the basement.
Okay we are all the way at the bottom. At least it won't fall. But
the elevator kept going down, or at least it felt like it. Down,
down, down, down. This is impossible, I thought. We can't go past
the basement. There are no more floors.
Finally it stopped. Where am I? This time I was glad when the
doors didn't open. I pressed all the buttons again. "Please,
elevator, get me out of here! Please, I want to go UP, not
down." The elevator shuddered and then shot upwards like a
rocket being launched.
I jerked and woke up in my own bed. It took me a moment to realize
that it was only a dream. What a relief! It must have been an
elevator anxiety dream. I hate elevators anyhow.
When I got on the office elevator this morning, I felt a bit
nervous, but the elevator went right to my floor and opened, just
like it always does.
"It's all in my mind," I thought. It doesn't know.
It's only a machine.
But, I'm wondering if maybe I should just walk down the stairs
when I go home tonight?
Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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