Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Election Reflection....


I want this election to be over. I want to know who the President is. Iím sick of hearing about dimples and chad. Iím tired of lawyers, media and appeals to the court. I want to go backwards to a simpler time. I want to vote with a paper ballot in a secret booth with curtains on the door. I want fold my ballot in half and see it go in the voting box with a judgesí initials. I want to know that Iíve done my civic duty and that my vote counts. Iím tired of voting machines, punch cards, pre-voting, digital scanning, and absentee ballots that donít make it in time.

I want a real election Ė one with a beginning and an end. Iím fed up with an election circus that continues to drag on and on, far after any reasonable election would be over and done. I want to support a candidate that will shake my hand. I want to be able to see him without having to pass through a metal detector first. 

I want to vote for the candidate of my choice because he is the best man for the job, not because he is the lesser of two evils. I want to wave my flag and feel proud of living in a democracy instead of embarrassed about an election process that no longer seems fair. I want to discuss the candidates and issues without regard for what the media says I should think or do.

I want the fat lady to sing. I want the cows to come home. I want the Supreme Court to rule. Enough is enough. Iím sick of hearing about how the voters have been cheated by our own machines and by technology that we never really trusted in the first place.

 Iím tired of hearing about Palm Beach County and Dade County and the Florida Supreme Court. Iím tired of hearing about the Electoral College and how old people donít know how to vote. Iím sick of machine counts, hand counts, recounts, and no accounts.

Is anyone really surprised that people are subject to human error just like the imperfect machines they have created? Is anyone really surprised that humans disagree about when a dimple is a dimple, when a vote is a vote, or what a voter intended to intend? Is anyone really surprised that Bush wants to quit while he is ahead and Gore wants to count until he is ahead?

I want to go on with my life. I want to forget that Florida exists except as a playground for tourists and a host for Disney World. I want a Christmas tree decorated with something besides butterfly ballots. Iím sick of endless appeals and lawsuits and infinite elections that have no season and threaten to drag on into Christmas and ruin it like the nagging threats of Y2K did last year. Iím exhausted with an election process that goes in circles like a merry-go-round. The dancing donkeys and the elephant parade nauseates me.

Is one candidate really that different from the other? Why are they all beginning to sound like embittered and power crazed animals? Iíve become a cynic. This election is a carnival Ė hysterical history made in the USA. Iím putting away my voterís registration card, my campaign button and my bumper sticker. Iím tired of talking about it. I will worry about politics when the next election rolls around. Iím tearing November off my calendar. Itís now December and Iíve got other things to do.

Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss

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