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Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

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Hooked on eBay...

 Hooked on eBay

I’m so tired I can’t hold my eyes open, but I can’t fall asleep. I might miss my final bid on eBay. It all started about a week ago when I decided that a turquoise and silver necklace would be a nice accessory to have. 

I put “buy turquoise necklace” in a search engine and eventually found myself on eBay. I was a bit familiar with eBay as I’ve bought a few things there before; but I always lose when I bid, and it seems to be too much trouble and easier just to buy things elsewhere.

But I found this necklace that I loved! I had to have it, so I bid on it. And while I was waiting to see if I won, I found some other pretty things, and so I bid on them too. Then someone outbid me and I had to bid again. 

I had it – auction fever.

I was bidding on things left and right. I couldn’t let someone else outbid me, could I? I was bidding on things I didn’t even want, then praying someone would outbid me so I wouldn’t have to buy them. Of course, if you really don’t want something, usually no one else does either.

My “watch” list was getting longer and longer, and my sleep time shorter and shorter. Just when I thought I was going to win, someone would jump in at the final moment and outbid me. 

So that’s the way they want to play, huh? 

Well, two could play this game! I quickly learned how the auction game works. I could swoop in and bid at the last minute too. How I hate that red X that says, “You have been outbid.” 

I began to receive emails from eBay, so many I couldn’t read them all. “You have been outbid, act now.” “You have only a few hours left.” “Sorry, you have been outbid.” And occasionally, “Congratulations, you have won this item.”

The problem with winning is that you also have to “Pay the seller now.”

I have items in my “win” list, items in my “lost” list, items in my “watch” list and am keeping a mental “who gives a flip” list. I was really getting tired of all this, but I was obsessed and couldn’t quit looking. And when I looked, I always found something I wanted. 

Everything was so cheap! That is if you didn’t consider the shipping costs, which are usually high as that is a way the seller assures that they will make a profit, regardless of the amount the item sells for. 

If I could only stay awake long enough to wait until the auction closed on an item, maybe I could get it cheap. Why is it that all the good stuff closes in the middle of the night? Day after day with only 3 hours of sleep per night was beginning to wear on me.

Then items I “won” began to come in the mail. It wasn’t expensive stuff, just cheap semi-precious stones or vintage items that had caught my eye. Of course, I didn’t really win anything. I bought and paid for it. 

My mad money in my PayPal account was dwindling faster than my ability to resist. One more look at the closing auctions, one more item added to my watch list, one more dollar to outbid that vicious person trying to outbid me. Where does it all end?

I’ve got a bunch of junk coming in the mail every day now – everything but the turquoise necklace, of course. I’m seeing red X’s everywhere I look – or is that just the inside of my exhausted eye balls? 

There must be a self-help organization for auction addicts. If there is such an organization; however, somebody is probably trying to sell memberships on eBay.

Wonder how high the bid is?

Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss


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