Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
to republish an
article, please contact her. It's that easy.
Follow her on
Follow me on Facebook
Create Your Badge
Write on my Wall
Online Since 1999
Do-It-Yourself -- Easy Assembly
Goldilocks and the three bears, we tried out all the chairs for
size. This one was too big, this one too small, this one too
stiff, this one too hard. Finally, we found a chair that was
"just right." The way my luck usually runs, I figured
it would be out of stock, but, no, they had one left in the back
Yesterday was my honey's birthday. I wanted to get him a new
leather computer chair since his old one was getting pretty
shabby. I thought he should help pick it out since he would be
the one using it. We went to the local computer superstore where
they have all kinds of fancy computer accessories and furniture.
There was nothing really wrong with his old chair except the
leather had holes in the elbows where he had banged it against
the desk. I got my chair at the same time he bought his and it
is still good. Go figure.
I was going to get the old chair reupholstered, but the
upholstery guy said leather is $200 a yard. "Are you sure
you want real leather? What kind of chair is it anyhow? Why
don't you just get a new one? Can you come back Monday? I don't
feel very good today."
I couldn't deal with it, so I decided to take his advice and get
a new one.
I noticed the box seemed awfully small when they brought it out
from the back of the store. They would assemble the chair
for only $7.99. But how hard could it be to put a chair
together? Stick the top in the base and that's it. I wanted it
now and did not want to wait.
"Easy Assembly," said the box. We could do it
The instructions were so simple there were no words, only
pictures: step 1, step 2, step 3, etc. In the box were a base, a
back, a seat, casters, arms, the swivel thing, and a metal
bracket for the bottom. They even had all the bolts prepackaged
and marked for each step.
Men are better at this kind of thing. Honey could put it
together. My 10 year old grandson could help.
"Where is the Allen wrench?" said honey. That should
have been my clue.
My grandson found the wrench in the package with the bolts, and
things went along pretty smoothly for a while. Then I heard
panic. "There is a part missing! See the picture?
This metal thing sticking out isn't there."?
A part missing? Didn't he check for parts first? Apparently not.
"But there are two holes on the bottom bracket and two
holes on the back. They have to go together."
Finally, I convinced him to try the bolts. They fit... nothing
missing after all.
After the back and seat were together, we had to attach the
arms. By then honey was getting fed up with the whole thing.
After taking the arms off that were backwards and putting them
back on the right way, we finally managed to get everything
tight enough not to wobble.
By then I was beating myself over the head for not paying $7.99
to get it assembled. What was I thinking? For a lousy eight
bucks I could have had them do it.
We sat the chair right side up and honey sat down. The casters
came off and flew in all directions. Back to the assembly line.
I should have known there is no such thing as "easy
assembly"? regardless of what the manufacturer says.
It does look great now that it is finished, and honey loves it.
We are still trying to figure out what to do with all these
extra bolts, though.
Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
Buy it now!
$5.00 + shipping