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Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

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Covered-Dish Luncheon...

The Covered-Dish Luncheon

Ever so often we have a covered-dish luncheon at the office to break the monotony of endless work. Sometimes they are themed, although usually not. One of the themed ones was the famous chili cook-off that I forgot about it until the last minute. I bought canned chili at Wal-Mart and warmed it in a crock pot
after I got to work. No one knew it was not homemade. My canned chili won the cook-off, but figured I'd better not say anything. They still don't know. Don't tell anyone.

This time our theme was "Eat Healthy."  I couldn't think of anything healthy to bring, which shows what kind of food I eat. Finally, I decided that pimento cheese sandwiches on wheat bread would work. I used to make them for a ladies luncheon using three pieces of bread and then cutting each sandwich into four
triangular pieces. I probably should have stuck to chili.

I forgot how much trouble it is to make a bunch of sandwiches. I had to get up an hour early this morning to spread cheese on bread while trying to keep my eyes open. An hour early is pretty early since I normally get up at 5 o'clock. Anyhow, I finally got all the stupid sandwiches made. Remind me to never sign up for sandwiches again.

You might know that it would be pouring down rain this morning when I had a big tray of food to carry. Try and balance food and a heavy umbrella without dropping something or getting wet. I asked Morris to drop me off near the door so I didn't have to walk the entire 10 miles from the garage. Actually, the garage is only across the street, but it might as well be 10 miles when you are carrying 20 pounds of stuff and trying to wade across a busy street in pouring rain.

I guess it could have been worse though. Yesterday morning we were out of cat food and the cats were screaming, the gas tank was empty, and I was getting low tire pressure warnings because there was a nail in my tire that I didn't know was there. When I finally got to work -- late because of having to buy gas -- I realized I had forgotten the pass for the parking garage. So. I had to pay $10 to park.

As I said, it could have been worse. At least I didn't have to bring food yesterday.

Of course, we had so much food at lunch today that it didn't matter whether I brought anything at all or not. Only about half the sandwiches were eaten. I am not about to haul the leftovers back home. I think I'll leave them in the office fridge for Monday. By then people will be hungry again and there will not be so
much other food to compete with.

I guess it is worth the hassle. I decorated the conference room with all the luau decorations that I had bought at the dollar store to use on the bulletin board. It was festive. We had some leis left over from something else and passed those out. As one girl said, the only thing missing was a Pina Colada. Well, no
one did the hula either, but as old and fat as most of us are, that is probably a good thing.

The food was ... well ... healthy. I hope we don't do healthy again. I think everyone is ready for another unhealthy chili cook-off. This time I will volunteer to bring apple cider or something easy that doesn't require getting up at 4 o'clock to fix. I'm afraid to try the canned chili thing again. That was a
one-time thing done in desperation.

There is only one problem with healthy food, besides the presence of vitamins and absence of flavor. It is like Chinese food. Ten minutes later and I'm hungry again.

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss


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