Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
The Covered-Dish Luncheon
Ever so often we have a
covered-dish luncheon at the office to break the monotony of endless work.
Sometimes they are themed, although usually not. One of the themed ones was the
famous chili cook-off that I forgot about it until the last minute. I bought
canned chili at Wal-Mart and warmed it in a crock pot
after I got to work. No one knew it was not homemade. My canned chili won the
cook-off, but figured I'd better not say anything. They still don't know. Don't
This time our theme was "Eat Healthy." I couldn't think of
anything healthy to bring, which shows what kind of food I eat. Finally, I
decided that pimento cheese sandwiches on wheat bread would work. I used to make
them for a ladies luncheon using three pieces of bread and then cutting each
sandwich into four
triangular pieces. I probably should have stuck to chili.
I forgot how much trouble it is to make a bunch of sandwiches. I had to get up
an hour early this morning to spread cheese on bread while trying to keep my
eyes open. An hour early is pretty early since I normally get up at 5 o'clock.
Anyhow, I finally got all the stupid sandwiches made. Remind me to never sign up
for sandwiches again.
You might know that it would be pouring down rain this morning when I had a big
tray of food to carry. Try and balance food and a heavy umbrella without
dropping something or getting wet. I asked Morris to drop me off near the door
so I didn't have to walk the entire 10 miles from the garage. Actually, the
garage is only across the street, but it might as well be 10 miles when you are
carrying 20 pounds of stuff and trying to wade across a busy street in pouring
I guess it could have been worse though. Yesterday morning we were out of cat
food and the cats were screaming, the gas tank was empty, and I was getting low
tire pressure warnings because there was a nail in my tire that I didn't know
was there. When I finally got to work -- late because of having to buy gas -- I
realized I had forgotten the pass for the parking garage. So. I had to pay $10
As I said, it could have been worse. At least I didn't have to bring food
Of course, we had so much food at lunch today that it didn't matter whether I
brought anything at all or not. Only about half the sandwiches were eaten. I am
not about to haul the leftovers back home. I think I'll leave them in the office
fridge for Monday. By then people will be hungry again and there will not be so
much other food to compete with.
I guess it is worth the hassle. I decorated the conference room with all the
luau decorations that I had bought at the dollar store to use on the bulletin
board. It was festive. We had some leis left over from something else and passed
those out. As one girl said, the only thing missing was a Pina Colada. Well, no
one did the hula either, but as old and fat as most of us are, that is probably
a good thing.
The food was ... well ... healthy. I hope we don't do healthy again. I think
everyone is ready for another unhealthy chili cook-off. This time I will
volunteer to bring apple cider or something easy that doesn't require getting up
at 4 o'clock to fix. I'm afraid to try the canned chili thing again. That was a
one-time thing done in desperation.
There is only one problem with healthy food, besides the presence of vitamins
and absence of flavor. It is like Chinese food. Ten minutes later and I'm hungry
Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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