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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Processing the Upgrade....

Processing the Upgrade

Hear ye, hear ye, management hath decreed that all staff shall have a new PC whether they need it or not. Well, actually, I sort of do need a new computer. My old office machine was perfectly fine until it was loaded down with bloated programs that require more resources to run than the city of New York.

My poor little 'puter tries and tries, but it just can't do it. It freezes up
like an arctic winter and I have to shut programs down, defrost, re-boot and spend half my time praying that whatever I was working on was saved and I don't have to do it again. Oh, the joys of our technological world. No wonder the muscles in my neck are so tight.

A window pops up, "Do you want to send your error to Microsoft?" Heck, no! All that does is take even more time. It isn't going to fix my problem - not enough processing juice. So, I reopen my browser and it informs me that my last session crashed, as if I didn't know. "No, I do not wish to return to where I was before." If it crashed once, I do not want to see if I can do it again. The muscles in my neck become tighter.

There have rumors of new computers for months now. They are coming, but we don't know when. Finally, D-day arrives and so does a computer tech with my new PC on a cart. My problems are over.

Umm, not quite.

It looks bright and shiny, has a larger screen and a fancy keyboard that doesn't have the letters on the keys worn off. I've never heard of the brand, probably came from the lowest bidder, but what the heck? It has tons of gigs and chips or whatever the stuff is that makes them run like a racehorse instead of a nag.

It's a brand new computer, gal! Eat it up!

Things look different on the new screen. I will have to get used to it. Now, where is the document I was working on when they came, the five page document? I search my documents folder, the shared drive, and the trash. No use, it's gone. I know I saved it. Where did it go? The muscles in my neck twitch into a knot.

Then I find the friendly email saying that new documents today could be lost as they backed up the system yesterday. I'm so frustrated I could scream, but what good would that do? The muscles in my neck spasm and the knot in my neck tightens. I delete all the icons and shortcuts that were transferred from my old computer and no longer work because they were for programs I no longer have. My trashcan runs over.

But that isn't all. I am on a phone system that routes my phone through my computer and guess what doesn't work? Oh, well, they are coming back anyhow to hook up my printer that has the wrong kind of connection. But the tech doesn't show.

The phone doesn't ring, my printer doesn't work, my document is lost and I am becoming more frustrated by the second. I call the help desk (on my personal cell phone), as if they are going to help me when the techs are busy installing new computers.

A message pops up that I need a windows update. How old are these "new" units anyhow? The muscles in my neck are so tight I can't move my head. and I cannot figure out what I'm doing at work as I can't do any work. New computers are a wonderful thing, but right now I would rather have a new neck, one that doesn't have a knot dancing the twist

Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss

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