Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Cat's New Tree....
The Cat's New Tree
1 - Once of the most joyful things about the holiday season is the
tradition of putting up a Christmas tree. At last the tree is up,
trimmed and in all its glory. The lights are sparkling and the
DAY 2 - Isn't it beautiful, I think, as I stand back to admire
it. The cat's green eyes narrow and she looks intently at the strange
new object that has entered her world.
DAY 3 - Well, I might have known that the cat could not resist
checking out the tree. She even managed to pull off a few of the low
hanging ornaments during the night. Isn't that cute? I will hang them
back where they belong. She will get used to it and leave it alone
after a while. Nice kitty! You must not bother the pretty tree.
DAY 4 - Bad kitty! Look at all those ornaments you pulled off
the tree! You are not supposed to bother the tree. You must have
pulled off a dozen. How did you get to them? Now I will have to
redecorate the entire tree. I can't go through this every day. Scat!
DAY 5 - There are ornaments all over the house, in the kitchen,
in the bathroom, and even in the bed. The cat must have gone wild last
night. What's the matter with you, stupid cat? I told you to leave it
alone. This is not a collection of cat toys for you. Leave it alone?
DAY 6 - She finally did it. The cat from hell turned the tree
over and the ornaments are scattered all over the house. The side of
the tree is all mashed in. I pick up the tree, and gather the
ornaments. I can fix it later --“ after I put out the cat.
DAY 7 - Of course the tree is in the floor again? What did you
expect? This is getting to be more trouble than it's worth. If I can
find that cat I'm going to kill it! But when I come back from looking
for her, the tree is turned over again. The cat can live in the garage
until Christmas. I don't care how cold it is.
DAY 8 - The demon cat got back in the house. The tree is upside
down and there are ornaments all over the place. The tree is all
lopsided, the star has falling off and it has only a few ornaments
left hanging on it. Who cares?
DAY 9 - The cat turns the tree over. I put it back up. The cat
turns the tree over. I put it back up. The cat turns the tree over. I
put it back up. The cat thinks it is a game. You would think that a
falling tree would scare the nine lives out of her, but she seems
DAY 10 - The tree has been turned over so many times I've lost
count. I throw a handful of stupid ornaments at it. What do you need a
stupid tree in the house for anyhow?
DAY 11 - Yes, the tree is turned over. Want to make something
of it? For your information, I don't have time to put it back up right
now. I'm too busy planning creative ways to kill the cat.
DAY 12 - We are probably the only family in the world to put up a
Christmas tree and take it back down before Christmas. Humans are
really hard to understand. First they give the cat a new toy for
Christmas and then they take it back. Hello! What did they expect
putting a tree decorated with shiny new cat toys right in the middle
of the living room?
Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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