Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
My, What Big
Teeth You Have!
get this straight right from the beginning, we are not talking
about teeth in someone's mouth, we are talking about a Bluetooth
in someone's ear. If you think it sounds like some sort of
deformity, you are probably right. However, it is mental
deformity, not a physical one.
Now I've been seeing these Bluetooth mobile headsets on
people’s ears for a while, but Christmas was apparently some
sort of turning point for the Bluetooth headset people. It seems
that every one who thinks they are anyone has to have a
What is a Bluetooth headset, you say? It uses new technology to
communicate wirelessly with a cell phone. Actually, Bluetooth
technology allows all sorts of electronic devices to communicate
with each other wirelessly at close range, like digital cameras
and hand held computers, kind of like baby Wi-Fi.
But I am referring here to people who communicate with their
cell phone via their ear tooth, which, coincidentally, looks
like a big blue fang. Bluetooth, however, was supposedly not
named for the carnivorous looking headset, but after some Danish
Viking named Bluetooth. Poor fellow.
Bluetoothers don’t seem to know they look like idiots with
that fang hanging on their ear. I think they actually believe it
looks cool. It used to be that we only had to worry about people
doing things with one hand while holding a cell phone glued to
their ear. Now we have to worry about the sanity of people
talking on a cell with both hands free.
Bluetoothers claim they are being safe because they can have
their hands free while driving. Of course, that doesn’t mean
they have their mind free. They still are paying attention to
what’s in their ear and not to what’s in front of their
eyes. Besides, if they are interested only in safety, while are
they on elevators with these monstrosities?
If you think cell phone users are annoying, you will find
Bluetoothers infuriating. They carry on conversations with the
ear tooth, ignoring you as if you are not there. I remember when
people walking around talking to themselves were considered
Am I supposed to ignore this jabbering person with a tooth in
their ear as if they are not talking? Doesn’t this make me
look as crazy as they are? Or am I suppose to politely listen,
without being a part of the conversation? It probably doesn’t
matter as the Bluetoother is in la-la land anyhow.
Some people can't seem to do anything without talking to someone
else about it. The other day I was in a store shopping. Another
shopper carried on a constant conversation with someone unseen
"I'm shopping for clothes." She said. "I found
something that I sort of like." She describes it and asks
the other person's opinion. And as soon as she hung up, the
phone rang again. "I'm shopping for clothes." She
Of course, people who have to talk on the phone all the time
have been a major pain to normal people ever since telephones
became portable. The Bluetooth is the latest status symbol. So,
why am I not impressed? It doesn’t show me anyone’s
importance at all, only that they are so stupid they can't make
a decision on their own, that they are a workaholic, or that
they have nothing worthwhile to occupy their time except
excessive useless chatter.
The best way to turn them off is to look at the Bluetoother
intently and make it obvious that you are clinging to every
word. They want you to "hear," but not to
"listen." Invariable, they whisper, "I'll call
you back later."
I'm really concerned about people walking around talking to
themselves. How do we know if it's the Bluetooth syndrome or if
they need to be on Prozac? Personally, I intend to be extra
careful around these Bluetoothers. With a fang like that, they
Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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