Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
||Vacation at Home....
Vacation at Home
is not always necessary to go some place else to have a vacation. A
vacation at home can provide a chance to relax and unwind, give you an
opportunity to catch up on things you need to do, and save you a ton of money on
food, gas, and motel bills.
Here are a few helpful suggestions from my personal experience:
Since you are home anyhow, it's a perfect time to take the car to the
dealer for routine maintenance. Pay $382.46 for the defective valve they find -
$382 for labor and 46 cents for the part.
Make a dental appointment for that tooth that's been nagging you. The
dental bill is a mere $565 and the dental crown falls off as soon as
you get home.
Decide to send your daughter on camping trip for an inexpensive
getaway weekend. Pay $20 for camping fee, $40 for white water rafting
charge and $229 for incidentals.
Vacation is a good chance to have minor home repairs done while you
can be there to supervise. Call a repairman and learn that the living
room floor has rotted and the front door needs to be replaced.
Call the termite inspector. Find out you have termites in spite of the
$900 termite treatment you had last year.
Call lawn service to trim the shrubs. Find out the owner has gone on
vacation for three weeks.
Calls six times about getting screens repaired and leave six voice
mail messages. The contractor calls to say he will come Thursday or
Friday; he's not sure what time -- but be sure to be at home.
Get a bid on having the house painted. After looking over the job, the
painter will not submit a bid. Get another bid on having the house
painted. After you hear the price, you wish the second painter had not
submitted a bid either.
Withdraw your entire savings account and give it to the various
service and repair people. If there is any money left, flush it down
the toilet where the rest of your bank account went.
Look forward to spending some free time for rest and relaxation.
Wake up in the morning with a raging sore throat and stuffed up head.
Go to local convenience clinic to get your sore throat treated. Find
that you have a virus that will last 3-5 days, exactly the amount of
vacation you have left.
Vow to forget your problems and plan a day of fun at the local spring
festival. Find out your partner has been called in to work overtime on
Saturday. Go to bed since you are sick, tired, and can't afford to do
Just as you fall asleep, the contractor shows up to fix the screens.
Go back to work and rejoice that your vacation is finally over and you
can get some rest. Vow that next year you will go to Disney World, as
it is much cheaper and less stressful than staying at home.
Copyright 2003-2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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