Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life or anything else that she finds amusing.
seen weekly in the Daily News of Kingsport. She has written
for Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Understanding a Mother....
dogs love you unconditionally. The umbilical cord is not cut at
the hospital, regardless of what doctors and medical books say.
It can stretch as far as it needs to, even around the world
A mother always knows where her children are and what they are up
to. Some people think they are psychic Others think
they have eyes in the back of their head. They also have super
hearing and can hear a naughty word from fifty yards away. But
their most phenomenal sense is sight. They can see clothes that
are not hung up even when they are hidden under the bed.
Mothers are super clean and always want kids to wash their hands. "Cleanliness
is next to godliness," as any mommy can tell you.
Dirty clothes are removed as soon as possible. They are carried
with a stick to the washing machine where they are washed with
soap and water to remove the filth and make them wearable.
Speaking of cleanliness, the top chore on the list of any mother
always "clean your room." No one is sure why a room
needs to be cleaned as it just gets messed up again. But a
mother will say that jelly sandwiches do not grow under the bed,
as kids try to pretend, and that curtains belong on the windows,
not on the floor.
Mothers are usually excellent cooks, especially of healthy foods
like broccoli and spinach. We are not sure why they can
cook these things so well, but it is probably the desire to see
their children eat well. Things like cookies and popsicles are
not considered healthy, and we have never been able to figure
out why moms keep them around unless it is to demonstrate how to
avoid unhealthy eating.
Mothers want kids to get plenty of sleep to grow up strong. That's
why the bedtime for kids is so early. We cannot figure out why
they will not let kids sleep until noon since a good night's
sleep is so important, but a mommy's logic is not always something
that others can easily understand.
Mothers believe that kids should not spend too much time watching
television or playing computer games. Kids should be
outside engaging in active play and getting exercise. Too
much television will ruin a child's eyes and they will have to
eat carrots for the rest of their life and still might not be
able to see.
Mothers worry a lot about their children's health. They believe
that kids should always wear hats and gloves when they go
outside so they will not catch cold. Any virus attack in the
world could be cured and modern medicine would be totally
unnecessary if only children would remember to wear their hats
Also on the list for good health is brushing teeth after eating
and before bed. A certain amount of toothpaste has to be
swallowed in a lifetime and you might as well do it before your
teeth are full of cavities and it is too late. This rule
superseded the requirement that a certain amount of dirt must be
eaten in a lifetime, which, obviously is an urban legend
invented by someone with too much time on their hands.
The reason kids have too much time on their hands is because
they are not reading enough or studying. Reading, unlike TV, is
not harmful to the eyes regardless of how much time is spent
doing it. Likewise, you can't study too much and too much
knowledge will not harm your brain like computer games.
Of course, kids are not always as grateful to their mommy as they
should be, but mommies know they care. We don't know how they know,
but they do. The way kids see it, mommies should be grateful to
their kids, because they have given them the opportunity to be
one of the world's most special people -- a mother.
Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219