Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||My TV has Bad Hair....
My TV Has
the long list of life's little annoyances, one of the most
aggravating is when the television goes out. I have just
gone through the tunnel of darkness at my house with a
non-working television. I don't watch television that
much, but my honey lives in front of it.
One night the television was working just fine, the next morning
"poof" no picture. The aggravation was greatly amplified by the fact
that it is one of those large-screen monstrosities that men are so fond of and
women hate with a fury.
Honey clicked remote control buttons frantically, thinking it
must be something that needed to be re set. It was no use.
The sound was fine, but the screen was as black as the backside
of the moon. Like all electronic and mechanical gadgets,
it lasted just long enough for the warranty to expire.
"It doesn't work! I have to get it fixed! Who can I
"Try the place where you bought it," I suggested.
We couldn't remember the name of the store. We looked in
the Yellow Pages and couldn't find anything that sounded right.
Honey dug through his old receipts, which was much like looking
for a lost lottery ticket in the dumpster.
Finally, he said, "I know where the store is - I'll just go
by there tomorrow." It was on the other side of town, but I
didn't have any better suggestion. He left early the next morning, a man with a
mission. When he returned hours later, he said they told
him to take two tranquilizers and call them back on Monday when
the technician was in.
He was intolerably depressed with no buttons to push all
weekend. "Why don't we put the one from the bedroom in here
till it's fixed?" I asked foolishly.
"It's too much trouble. I'll have to disconnect it and move
That didn't seem like much work to me, but I figured I'd better
just leave it alone. “Maybe you can watch it in the bedroom
"I'm not ready to go to bed yet," he growled.
Although the store had said that plasma screen monitors never
have problems, the technician was fully booked and could not
come for several more days. So, honey “listened” to TV,
stared at the empty screen, and brooded.
Being female, I just couldn't seem to comprehend the magnitude
of his despair. He actually tried to blame me for the problem,
saying it was because I used the button on the TV to turn it off instead of
the remote control. I was beginning to get highly annoyed at this
point and assured him emphatically that I would never touch the thing again, not
even to turn it off, even if it played all day and all night –
Finally, the technician showed up. Honey took the day off
work to be there. It took hours to fix it I learned later,
something about it being connected all wrong. A fuse blew
and it shorted out. The more complicated the gadget, the
more there is to go wrong with it, I've noticed.
The monster now works better than ever. It
was not set for high definition before. Now it is so sharp
it will burn your eyeballs and singe your eyelashes.
“You can tell if it's high definition by looking at people's
hair,” I was informed by honey, a piece of information that he had just learned
from the repairman. “If you can see the individual strands
of hair, its high definition,” he asserted.
Wow, I don't know how we could possibly have survived all these
years with bad hair
Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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