Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Turkeys Unite....

Turkeys Unite!

Turkeys unite! Itís time to panic! They are killing us by the millions. We must run while there is still time! Look around you - do you see any turkeys that you knew a year ago?

They are breeding us to increase the size of our plump white breasts and meaty legs! Did you think that your fine physique was merely a gift of nature? Donít you know that they are breeding us for increased white meat? Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Millions will die!

Run! Escape while there is still time! We can no longer fly like our wild forefathers could; therefore we must run, no matter how hard it seems. Three hundred million of us will be consumed in a year! We can stop this slaughter of the innocent if we act now.

They have taken away our hormone and steroid injections to keep us weak. They are artificially inseminating our females because we have grown too fat and tired to do the job ourselves. Our hens are being turned into egg machines. When they lay 88-93 eggs and are totally exhausted, they are sent to market.

Do you think you are free just because you are allowed to run loose in a poultry barn? Are you happy merely because you are not kept in a cage? Wake up, turkeys! They want you to be happy Ė happy and fat!

Donít touch that corn and soy meal! They are not being kind to you. They are fattening you up for the kill. You have been bred selectively to have white feathers so your skin will not have spots. Forty-five million of us will end up on the dining room table. Our hens are even more likely to be sent to the ovens than male turkeys!

Does that mean male turkeys are safe? Hardly! Tom turkeys will most likely end up as processed lunchmeat, turkey ham, turkey burgers, or even as pet food. You will be consumed not only during holidays, but all year long. They like you because your meat is low fat and mild tasting. Donít you deserve better than this?

So, you think you can flee to another place, another country where Thanksgiving is not celebrated? Wrong! Other countries eat our kind too. Israel consumes more turkey than the United States. France and England also have a hunger for fowl. Actually, no place in the world is completely safe!

We must flee! It is time for panic! We must act while there is time. Escape any way you can. They will not expect you to be hostile. Use the element of surprise. Remember that you have beaks and claws, even if they have been trimmed. Do not be fooled and think that you are safe because you have food, fresh water, and a roof over your head!

Turkeys are true American birds. In the tradition of America, show them how we can fight against injustice. We must let them know that turkeys should have rights! We must become activists in our own defense. Feathers may fly, but we cannot be deterred until justice is served (instead of us)! We must flock together for the sake of our unborn poults, still in the incubator.

No bird is safe, especially at this time of the year! Rally together now. Let Ďem eat cranberries! Let Ďem eat sweet potatoes! Let Ďem eat anything but us!

This year let the turkeys have something to be thankful for

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss

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