I am not going to write a column about the Super Bowl. I have already written one about the Titans this season, and that is enough. I hate football! Everyone knows that. Would I pull my regular column and write something about football just because the Tennessee Titans are going to the Super Bowl. No, not me! Never!

Do you really think I care that the Titans, our team from right here in Nashville, won the American Conference Championship? Do you really think it matters to me that the whole city of Nashville has gone Super Bowl crazy? No, I don't care. It doesn't affect me at all. 

The fact that people are driving all over the city with blue flags waving off their cars, and yelling, “Go Titans go,” means nothing to me. I, in fact, found out a long time ago that Super Bowl Sunday is the best time there is to go shopping. Everyone is at home watching the big game and the malls are deserted. 

Even if I should happen to stay home and watch the game, I will only watch for the last ten minutes. That is all anyone ever talks about anyhow. I can avoid watching the entire game, and still be in on any discussions later –- just in case the necessity should arise.

Things have really been pretty wild around here this week. You'd think we never had a winning football team from Nashville before. Well, come to think of it, we haven't –- but that's beside the point. 

I'm telling ya, it's awful! Strangers are speaking to each other. The bank teller actually asked me a question today unrelated to my deposit. “Got your Titans shirt on, I see?” he said. Others have reported conversations about football erupting in the most unlikely of places: at the post office, in grocery store lines, everywhere. Titans Fever is very contagious.

Am I impressed? Not me! I lived in Chicago when the Bears were in the Super Bowl! It was the same thing, even in a place as big as Chicago. Suddenly people who cared nothing about the team during the season became their biggest supporters. 

Not me! Yes, I do have a sweatshirt that says “Champion Titans” on it, but it doesn't count since I didn't buy it; someone gave it to me. Besides, we were having a big “Support the Titans Day” at the office and I needed something appropriate to wear. The and pom-poms were just an extra touch.

I'm not gonna watch the game. I might watch the commercials. After all, the commercials are one of the best parts of the Super Bowl. I'm not gonna get caught up in all the hoopla. If the game is on and I just happen to be in the room, and accidentally see part of it - I can't help that. But I'm certainly not going to any Super Bowl parties, that is, of course, unless I get invited to one.

Can you believe this? The used shoes that Jevon Kearse wears in the game will be autographed and auctioned off on the Internet for charity? Now who in their right mind would pay good money for smelly old shoes? That is really just carrying this authentic sports memorabilia thing a bit far, I think, even though he is the NFL's "Defensive Rookie of the Year." I wonder how a person goes about bidding on something like those shoes?

Half of Nashville left for Atlanta, snow or no snow. I-24 is bumper to bumper with blue flags. The half that is staying here is over at Kroger's buying groceries, getting ready to be snowed in and watch the game. 

Well, yes, I know because I was at Kroger's myself. But it was different for me. I actually needed groceries. The snacks I picked up were not for the game. They were just incidentals. Someone might want a snack while snowed in like that with nothing going on except THE SUPER BOWL. 

The supply of Titans T-shirts was getting a bit low at Kroger's, I noticed. Of course, they are being sold on street corners and in service stations all over town -- just in case anyone should want one.

All the kids in Nashville are upset because they have to go to school on Tuesday and can't go to the big parade to honor the Titans. Just because they are having standardized tests that day, the school board said that there is no such holiday as Tennessee Titans Day. Obviously, those school board members need to get out more.

Of course, I am totally oblivious to all of this. I am not going to write another column about the Titans. I've already written one column about them, (which is still in the archives, incidentally). I am not one bit upset that I was not in the PSL lottery to go to Atlanta either. I'm not getting drawn into all this madness! 

And finally, I refuse, absolutely refuse to ever say GO TITANS GO!