Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
Ever since I hit about 55, Iíve been getting mail from AARP wanting me to
join. No, absolutely not! I have this theory that if I donít admit
to being old, it will stop the clock from ticking.
Anyhow, I donít need a card to remind me Iím a senior. Looking in the
mirror is enough. Who in the world needs an AARP card to remind them they are
over the hill? If someone wants to give me a senior discount, why do I
need an AARP card? If the wrinkles are not proof enough, I have a driverís license.
I went to the eyeglasses place the other day because I broke my glasses.
Yes, I wear glasses, just like an old person. The clerk wanted the phone
number of my doctor to check my prescription, so I looked through all the cards
in my wallet to try and find it.
ďDo you belong to AARP?Ē she asked. ďI saw your Medicare card in
your wallet. I could give you a discount if you belong to AARP.Ē
I can get a discount with an AARP card, but not a Medicare card?
ďI never would have guessed you were that old if I hadnít seen the card,Ē
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
It so happens that I do belong to that AAA. So, I got the discount -- not
for belonging to AARP, but because AAA wants old people to be able to see how to
drive, I suppose.
Actually, Iíve never really understood the senior discount concept. Why
do old folks deserve to pay less just for still being alive? With all the
baby-boomers reaching retirement age, pretty soon AARP and everyone else is
going to be overwhelmed with old folks wanting discounts.
The ďfixed incomeĒ concept doesnít hold water for me. A lot of
people are on a fixed income and a lot of people are worse off than seniors, but
they donít get a break on prices. Why are we rewarded for getting
Kroger gives us a senior discount, but only on Wednesday. If you must be
old, you should be sure to do it on the right day. I canít remember to go
grocery shopping on the right day of the week, so I go where they give low
prices to everyone all the timeÖ or at least they say they do.
I like to go thrift shopping at Goodwill and they also give senior discounts
unless the item is on sale and already marked down. The other day when I
asked for a senior discount at the cash register, they carded me. I was
flattered. When I went there yesterday, however, it was senior double
discount day. Iím slipping fast.
Speaking of getting carded, when I buy cigarettes at Walgreen, I always get
carded. I donít smoke, but sometimes my daughter asks me to pick up a
pack for her. They card everyone there. I always show them my
driverís license and say, ďAm I too old to smoke?Ē
Some restaurants give discounts to seniors, but you usually have to order a
special meal. That's the deal at IHOP, where I always order a senior
breakfast. It is smaller and had less food, so Iím not sure you were
really saving any money.
Now senior discounts for movies, and entertainment events are good deals.
I always ask if they give senior discounts on tickets. You can save a
bundle at Dollywood. Of course, they probably have to give old folks
discounts to bribe them to come to an amusement park.
Movies have never asked me for an AARP card, or an AAA card, or a driverís
license or a Medicaid card. I suppose they think no one would claim to be
over the hill just to get in cheap.
You donít possibly suppose I could look my age to them, do you?
Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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