Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Winter Weather Bulletin....
Issued by The National Weather Service -Jan 2010
... Light snow today then an arctic blast late tonight ... An arctic
blast is similar to a sonic blast but does not come in four flavors...
Get your magnifying glass ready as we could have a snowflake... or
An arctic cold front in Missouri is pushing
southeastward... Missouri is not in the arctic, but cold fronts do not
worry about such minor details... Light snow ahead of the cold front
has been reported by Snowbird and the TV weather channel, where we get
our best information... as well as by several school bus drivers who
want the day off...
Temperatures behind the arctic
front have dropped into the single digits locally... As the cold air
moves in, temperatures will drop to around -5 degrees by tomorrow
night. Do not attempt to go ice skating until the ice is much
thicker... We tried it and lost a TV weather person earlier today...
The bitter cold will continue through the weekend before a gradual
warm up... We know the cold is bitter because a weatherman caught
snowflakes on his tongue to test it.. Residents should take
precautions to protect life and property form the bitter cold...
unless you need a dead battery in your car as an excuse to take off
The National Weather Service has issued a wind chill advisory... which
is in effect from 6 AM today until 6 AM tomorrow... If you hurry, you
will still have time to make it to Kroger for bread and milk... A
winter weather advisory remains in effect until 6 PM this evening or
until the Weather Service gives up all hope, whichever comes first...
Timing... Snow accumulation expected through mid afternoon... May we
suggest carrying a snow brush and ice scraper as there is always the
possibility that we could be right for a change...
* Main Impact... One inch snowfall expected... Travel problems and
delays can be expected across the mid state since southerners have no
idea how to drive in snow... whether there is one inch or six...
* Other impacts... Since we had to back down on the six inches of snow
predicted earlier (drat it), we are happy to have something else to
rant about... Wind chill value Friday and Friday night will fall to
five degrees below zero... That is freeze-your-buns-off cold, in case
you don't know... Wind chill advisory is in effect Friday and Friday
night, so if you have any plans, cancel them and make a pot of five
alarm chili instead...
A winter weather advisory means that periods of snow will cause travel
difficulties... Be prepared for slippery roads and limited
visibilities... and use caution while driving... If you are incapable
of using caution, stay out of the way of the other drivers who
probably are not using caution either...
A wind chill advisory means that very cold air and strong winds will
combine to generate low wind chills... Wind chill is different than
temperature, so don't get mixed up about it... Wind chill will result
in frost bite and lead to hypothermia if precautions are not taken...
This means stay inside... If you must venture outdoors, make sure you
wear a hat and gloves... Also wear clean underwear in case you are in
an accident and have to go to the hospital... (Our mother made us say
Thank you for reading this severe weather advisory from the National
Weather Service... This report has been translated into a readable
format since weather people do not know how to use the shift key and
must write in ALL CAPS... If it is snowing where you are, send in the
pictures so we will know what to predict in our next weather
Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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