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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is a free-lance writer from  Tennessee. She writes  funny stuff about southern life, women's issues, family matters and anything else that  she finds amusing.

She is seen weekly in the Daily News of Kingsport  and Hill Country Times and appears in a monthly humor publication called Foolish Times.  She has written for  Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books have recently published a number of her articles in their Let There Be Laughter series of books. Her articles have appeared in numerous other publications, both print and online.

She is a board member and the Web Editor of  Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for  news columnists. She is also the Web Editor of SouthernHumorists.com as well as this website, HumorColumnist.com

To carry her self- syndicated weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy.


   
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Winter Weather Bulletin....
 

SEVERE WINTER WEATHER BULLETIN

Issued by The National Weather Service
Jan 2010

 

... LIGHT SNOW TODAY THEN AN ARCTIC BLAST LATE TONIGHT... AN ARTIC BLAST IS
SIMILAR TO SONIC BLAST BUT DOES NOT COME IN FOUR FLAVORS... GET YOUR MAGNIFYING
GLASS READYAS WE COULD HAVE A SNOWFLAKE...OR TWO.
 
AN ARCTIC COLD FRONT IN MISSOURI IS PUSHING SOUTHEASTWARD... MISSOURI IS NOT IN
THE ARTIC¦ BUT COLD FRONTS DO NOT WORRY ABOUT SUCH MINOR DETAILS. LIGHT SNOW
AHEAD OF THE COLD FRONT HAS BEEN REPORTED BY SNOWBIRD AND THE TV WEATHER
CHANNEL¦, WHERE WE GET OUR BEST INFORMATION... AS WELL AS BY SEVERAL SCHOOL BUS
DRIVERS WHO WANT THE DAY OFF...
 
TEMPERATURES BEHIND THE ARCTIC FRONT HAVE DROPPED INTO THE SINGLE DIGITS
LOCALLY¦ AS THE COLD AIR MOVES IN¦ TEMPERATURES WILL DROP TO AROUND -5 DEGREES BY
TOMORROW NIGHT¦. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO GO ICE SKATING UNTIL THE ICE IS MUCH THICKER¦
WE TRIED IT AND LOST A TV WEATHER PERSON EARLIER TODAY...

THE BITTER COLD WILL CONTINUE THROUGH THE WEEKEND BEFORE A GRADUAL WARMUP... WE
KNOW THE COLD IS BITTER BECAUSE A WEATHERMAN CAUGHT SNOWFLAKES ON HIS TONGUE TO
TEST IT¦ RESIDENTS SHOULD TAKE PRECAUTIONS TO PROTECT LIFE AND PROPERTY FROM THE
BITTER COLD¦ UNLESS YOU NEED A DEAD BATTERY IN YOUR CAR AS AN EXCUSE TO TAKE OFF
FROM WORK...
 
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A WIND CHILL ADVISORY...WHICH IS IN
EFFECT FROM 6 AM TODAY UNTIL 6 AM TOMORROW. IF YOU HURRY¦ YOU WILL STILL HAVE
TIME TO MAKE IT TO KROGERS FOR BREAD AND MILK¦ A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY REMAINS
IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 PM THIS EVENING OR UNTIL THE WEATHER SERVICE GIVES UP ALL
HOPE¦ WHICHEVER COMES FIRST...

* TIMING...SNOW ACCUMULATION EXPECTED THROUGH MID AFTERNOON¦ MAY WE SUGGEST
CARRYING A SNOW BRUSH AND ICE SCRAPER AS THERE IS ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY THAT WE
COULD BE RIGHT FOR A CHANGE...

* MAIN IMPACT... ONE INCH SNOWFALL EXPECTED... TRAVEL PROBLEMS AND DELAYS CAN BE
EXPECTED ACROSS THE MID STATE SINCE SOUTHERNERS HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DRIVE IN
SNOW¦ WHETHER THERE IS ONE INCH OR SIX...

* OTHER IMPACTS... SINCE WE HAD TO BACK DOWN ON THE SIX INCHES OF SNOW PREDICTED
EARLIER¦ (DRAT IT)¦ WE ARE HAPPY TO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO RANT ABOUT¦. WIND
CHILL VALUES FRIDAY AND FRIDAY NIGHT WILL FALL TO FIVE DEGREES BELOW ZERO...
THAT IS FREEZE YOUR BUNS OFF COLD¦ IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW... WIND CHILL ADVISORY
IS IN EFFECT FRIDAY AND FRIDAY NIGHT¦ SO IF YOU HAVE ANY PLANS¦ CANCEL THEM AND
MAKE A POT OF FIVE ALARM CHILI INSTEAD...

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...

A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY MEANS THAT PERIODS OF SNOW WILL CAUSE TRAVEL
DIFFICULTIES¦ BE PREPARED FOR SLIPPERY ROADS AND LIMITED VISIBILITIES...AND USE
CAUTION WHILE DRIVING¦ IF YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF USING CAUTION¦ STAY OUT OF THE
WAY OF THE OTHER DRIVERS WHO PROBABLY ARE NOT USING CAUTION EITHER...

A WIND CHILL ADVISORY MEANS THAT VERY COLD AIR AND STRONG WINDS WILL COMBINE TO
GENERATE LOW WIND CHILLS¦. WIND CHILL IS DIFFERENT THAN TEMPERATURE¦ SO DONT GET
MIXED UP ABOUT IT¦ WIND CHILL WILL RESULT IN FROST BITE AND LEAD TO HYPOTHERMIA
IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN¦ THIS MEANS STAY INSIDE... IF YOU MUST VENTURE
OUTDOORS...MAKE SURE YOU WEAR A HAT AND GLOVES¦ ALSO WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR, IN
CASE YOU ARE IN AN ACCIDENT AND HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL..( OUR MOTHER MADE US
SAY THIS...)
 
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS SEVERE WEATHER ADVISORY FROM THE NATIONAL WEATHER
SERVICE...WE ARE SORRY THAT WEATHER PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO USE THE SHIFT KEY
AND MUST WRITE IN ALL CAPS... IF IT IS SNOWING WHERE YOU ARE¦ SEND IN THE
PICTURE SO WE WILL KNOW WHAT TO PREDICT IN OUR NEXT WEATHER ADVISORY...
 


Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
 
 



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Nashville, TN  37219
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