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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Sleepwalker
 


Sleepwalker

Oh man, am I ever sleepy this morning. Some days are just like this. How I wish I could have just stayed home in bed instead of having to drag myself in to work. They just better stay out of my way today if they value their heads.. That shower this morning didnít wake me up a bit. Donít know how I made it to work - on automatic pilot, I guess.

Just my luck to get to the office and run into one of those cheerful early morning people who obviously go to bed at 7 p.m. and bounce up at 5:00 in the morning, wide awake.

"GOOD MORNING!!! How are you this morning?"

Man, wouldnít I just love to smack them across the mouth and tell them to shut up and let me sleep!

On a morning like this the coffee is never ready. Any other morning the office pot drips coffee through in a matter of minutes. This is one of those days when I hope no one is around so I can take the pot away and put my cup under the drip to catch the first cup. The coffee maker is running in slow motion. Iíve never seen it take so long to fill up a cup.

As I take my black poison back to my cubical, I wonder if I can sneak a nap during lunch. Oh me, I sure feel rough today. Those dark circles under my eyes were not helped a bit by the makeup. Is it impossible to hide a lack of sleep with make up? Of course, if I could just keep my eyes open that might help.

Maybe today will be an easy day. Wish I could smile. Heck, wish I could wake up! No, actually, wish I could go to sleep. Maybe I can pretend to be reading and take a little nap. I can prop my head up with my hand under my chin and rest my elbow on the desk. Drat, every time I doze, my chin falls off and it wakes me up.

Wish I were dead. Wish I were home. Wish I were rich and didnít have to work. Wish I had enough sense to go to bed at night instead of staying up for one more e-mail, one more TV show, one more excuse to put off sleeping at night when the rest of world is slumbering.

Curses, it is no use! Iím going to have to quit trying to sleep with one eye at the time and wake up. Whatever you do, donít get between me and the coffeepot on a day like this! Did somebody it switch it to decaf?

Never again am I staying up till 11:30 on a work night! Iím going to bed early tonight and get some rest. I know I said that yesterday, but this time I mean it. What day is it anyhow? Groan! Only Wednesday? I just canít make it Ďtill the weekend.

Why am I a "night person" in a "day person" world? Why does the day have to start so early in the morning? If the day could start about noon, that would suit me just fine. I would be ready for breakfast by then. The thought of food at 7 or 8 in the morning is sickening. Heck, at 10 p.m. when the rest of the world is turning in, Iím getting my second wind, ready to shift into second gear and start revising web pages.

Well, its 8 a.m. and the coffee is starting to hit my blood veins now. I feel a little better. Maybe I can make it for a while - at least until 2 or 3 this afternoon. Me? Crabby? Shut up and mind your own business!


Copyright 1999 Sheila Moss
 
 



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