Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||The Savings Place...
The Savings Place
Friday at last and time for the weekend. I donít know why Iím so
happy about it. Friday means tomorrow is Saturday, and time to buy
groceries again. I buy my groceries at Wal-Mart. There are plenty of
perfectly good grocery stores, but they donít have all the other
stuff that I need. No sense in making two trips, I always say.
I usually try to go early on Saturday morning before everyone else
gets there. The trouble is, everyone else has the same idea. I
probably would be better off to wait until about midnight, but I want
to get it over with, just like everyone else.
The little old lady who stands at the door always has a row of buggies
lined up. Proper Wal-Mart manners require that you take the one at the
front of the line. If itís raining, you have to wait for her to wipe
off the buggies that just came from outside, so you donít get your
Iíve been there so many times that I have the fastest route mapped
out in my head. Make a left and rush by the candy row as fast as you
can so you are not tempted. Try not to look at the fresh flower
display either or you will end up adding them to the grocery bill as
Make a beeline to the drug section, stopping at the first row for
aspirin, and then whipping around the back to grab shampoo or whatever
else is on the list from that area. Hopefully, I wonít need any
toothpaste or vitamins, as it is easy to get sidetracked on those rows
and start looking around.
Back to the center aisle as fast the wheels will roll. I donít look
at the cosmetics as I pass, too expensive. I make a quick left at the
center aisle and head for the back of the store grabbing dishwasher
soap, detergent or whatever I need. I try not to pass the room
deodorizers, as they smell so good that itís really hard to resist
Down the pet food aisle, grabbing my kittyís groceries for the week.
The cat eats better than I do. Make a fast right and return to the
front where the produce is. Ah, ha! Made it to the food. Good for me.
Get only whatís on the list and try not to pick up anything extra.
They really make those red apple displays look pretty, donít they?
Bread goes in the cartís kiddy seat where it wonít get squashed.
Canned goods, juice, and paper goods are next. I canít resist the
cola, so I grab a pack from the big display. Down the dairy and milk
aisle and back to the meat counter, which runs down the side of the
store and takes me back to the front. Turn right and get the frozen
foods last so they donít defrost.
They put the snacks in a little section all their own instead of with
the other groceries. Pretty clever. To get crackers I have to run the
course where the chips, dips, cookies and other goodies are. Good
thing I have resistance. After I make it past the sweets, Iím home
free and ready for checkout.
Naturally, all the people from the parking lot finished before I did
and are already waiting in line. I donít why I was in such a hurry
to shop, but finally it is my turn. The cashier scans the items and
puts them in the blue plastic bags.
She rings up
the final bill, fifty dollars for food, and a hundred for fresh
flowers, candy, pet toys, panty hose, a room deodorizer,
nail polish, face cream, a Sponge Bob video, kitty litter, car wax,
light bulbs, dishtowels, plastic storage bowls, and a hair dryer.
Thatís why I like to shop at the discount places; groceries are
cheaper so I really save money.
I donít know
how all that other stuff got into my basket.
Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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