Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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article, please contact her. It's that easy.
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Online Since 1999
||Santa's Workshop, Inc...
Santa's Workshop, Inc.
FROM: Kris Kringle
TO: All Staff
RE: Rules for Santa's Workshop, Inc.
It has come to my attention that some of the staff is taking
their responsibilities less than seriously. As you know, our
business has the responsibility of providing presents for all
the children in the world. Therefore, it is imperative that all
staff maintains a professional demeanor and sustains production
levels, especially during our seasonal rush.
1. The uniform for all elves is officially green. No more
T-shirts with slogans such as, “Bah! Humbug!” should be
worn. It is important that we maintain a professional appearance
in the workshop. Pointed-toe shoes are also a part of the
uniform whether you consider them nerdy or not.
2. It has been rumored that some elves are not paying attention
to personal hygiene. Please be considerate of your fellow
employees and do not come into the workshop after shoveling out
the reindeer barn. Mrs. Claus nearly passed out the other day.
Suggested soap scents are bayberry, peppermint, cinnamon and
3. Work breaks are a privilege, not a right. You will return
from breaks promptly at the scheduled time. Hanging around the
water cooler and ogling the new Princess Barbie dolls is
4. Overtime is available on an "as needed" basis. When
you are on overtime, you should be busy working. Excessive
testing of the Game Boys, X-boxes, Nintendo's and other
electronic toys during work hours will not be tolerated.
5. The Robosapien robot is the one of our hottest new items.
Please do not abuse these robots by having them fetch you
cookies and milk from the kitchen or make them take your place
in the assembly line.
6. All toys are manufactured to break shortly after the
manufacturer’s warranty expires. It's called job security.
Please do not play with them before delivery or they will break
too soon and have to be replaced for free.
7. Please be sure batteries are removed from toys before
shipping. A dead battery in toys on Christmas morning is one of
our biggest complaints. I might add that removing the battery
from Rudolph's nose last year was not funny, and if I find out
who did it, you will be transferred to Donald Trump's board
8. Absences will be excused for valid reasons only. Staying off
work to watch movies or videos on your media player is not
considered valid. Neither is snow boarding or tricycle racing.
9. Santa must do an extensive amount of travel at this time of
the year visiting malls and making personal appearances in
parades; therefore, please address any problems or concerns to
Corporate Vice President, Mrs. Claus, during my absences. She
will be able to reach me on my camera cell phone, a popular item
held over from last Christmas.
10. All elves will report to the barn early on the morning of
the 24th to assist in packing the sled. Please do not whine
about not getting to ride along. Any stowaways will be dealt
with harshly. Excessive weight will slow us down and we might be
unable to make it around the world by sunrise.
11. Reindeer should rest, eat a light meal on Christmas Eve, and
be ready to travel at sunset. You deer have had 364 days out to
pasture. Surely it is not too much to ask you to avoid grazing
off the Christmas buffet until after the gifts are delivered.
12. The Christmas party will proceed as usual on Christmas Day.
There will be goodies and gifts for all that attend. There will
also be a drawing for a snow mobile, a ski trip to Sun Valley,
and other fabulous prizes.
Thank you for your cooperation, and please remember to whistle
while you work. After all, it 'tis the season to be jolly.
Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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