Who Burned the Popcorn?
 With the advent of modern technology, a new convenience has
come to the office along with computers, printers, copiers, fax machines and the
ever-popular coffee maker. This new convenience is the office microwave. Most
offices have one hidden someplace where employees can sneak in to warm their
frozen dinners or a cup of hot water for tea. Ours happens to be in an empty
cubicle, empty because of the awkward placement of a large support column right
in the middle of the office. But, that’s another story.
What we are going to talk about today is the popularity of the
microwave for making popcorn. While it is convenient to have a fresh and healthy
snack during work breaks, not everyone remembers to watch the popcorn while
popping it. They simply throw it in the microwave, turn the knob, and take off
to do something else while it pops. This brings up the obvious problem of burnt
popcorn. Every so often, someone burns popcorn and the whole office smells, to
the dismay of the other employees who must work in the stench.
Now, I must admit that I do like microwave popcorn. However, I
am always very careful to watch the microwave and to stand close by while the
popcorn pops so I can listen for the slow down in popping sounds that signal
when it is time to take it out. Also, I am tuned in for the smallest whiff of
smoke and snatch the popcorn instantly from the oven if something goes awry,
before it burns badly enough to make the office smelly.
Last week I decided that lunch did not quite satisfy me, and
some popcorn would be delicious. I put my bag of corn in the microwave as usual,
and set the time as usual, but was distracted from my cooking duty by a ringing
phone. I was not worried as I could hear the popcorn popping furiously.
Suddenly, it happened. There was the unmistakable smell of something burning to
a crisp even though the popcorn was still popping like crazy.
I ran to snatch it out. Too late! The bag didn’t look
burned, but the smoke was awful. I could not believe it, but I was guilty. What
do you do with burning popcorn? I dared not open it as the smell would get out
and become even worse. I was nervous that the fire sprinklers would activate. No
place to throw it away and no way to get outside except down eight floors on an
elevator.
"Who burned the popcorn?" exclaimed a fellow worker.
I considered playing innocent, but figured they would sniff me
out sooner or later. "It was me," I admitted.
Soon others were coming around to see, "Who burned the
popcorn?"
"I did," I confessed. The aroma was all over the
office by now.
Every time someone else came by, it was the same question,
"Who burned the popcorn?"
I sank lower and lower into my chair, feeling very guilty as I
admitted over and over that I was the one stupid enough to burn up my popcorn in
the office microwave. I stole the deodorizer spray out of the restroom and
sprayed, but it didn’t help much. Even worse, after the terrible odor finally
subsided, it seemed to be reactivated every time someone else microwaved
anything, even water.
"What is that smell?" they kept asking.
"Er, I guess it is from my popcorn," was my
humiliating reply.
Finally, someone decided to check out the source of the
problem. Looking all the way in the back of the microwave, they pulled out a
lump of charcoal that appeared to have been a dinner roll in another life.
Apparently, the roll was left in the microwave and forgotten until I came along
with my popcorn and incinerated it. No telling how long it had been in there
before I made it hot enough to burn up.
Wait a minute! You mean it was not my popcorn after all that
caused the problem, but somebody else’s forgotten roll? I’ve been admitting
to something that I’m not guilty of all this time? I can’t believe it! I’m
innocent! INNOCENT! It was not my popcorn!
My joy was short lived. Somehow it no longer seemed to matter
to anyone. I’ve been labeled as one who cremates popcorn, and my stigma as a
popcorn arsonist will apparently follow me for the rest of my life.
Whoops, I think I heard the microwave bell! I’ve only been
gone for a minute! Is that smoke? No! It can’t be! Not again!
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