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Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

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Somalia Pirate Dog....

The Somalia Pirate Dog

WASHINGTON DC - There is another new Top Dog in the White House.  It is not a Portuguese Water Dog; however, it is an unusual dog known as a Somalia Pirate Dog.  The new dog is named "NO", which is a word that will probably be heard a lot in the dog's new home.

This new dog is not a pedigree dog. He is a mongrel who grew up in the streets. Abandoned by his first owner, he learned to do whatever he had to do to survive. Eventually he ended up in an animal shelter, where he did hard time until he was rescued. The Somalia Pirate Dog was a gift to the Obama's from Congress -- yet another bailout.

You probably thought that all puppies are "water" dogs, at least when they first come home. The Somalia Pirate Dog might be considered a water dog in this respect. He will need to be watched closely around the White House carpets or he may decide to mark his territory. 
While a Portuguese Water Dog is born with webbed feet, it still has to be taught to swim. The Somalia Pirate Dog, however, is born knowing how to dog paddle. For a pirate dog, it is sink or swim. He has learned everything though survival of the fittest. The dogs excel in dog fighting and burying bones.
Interestingly, both kinds of dogs have hair instead of fur. While the water dog goes to the groomer on a regular basis to have his hair groomed and trimmed, the pirate dog wears his hair in a pony tail, as is traditional with Somalia Pirate Dogs. 

Portuguese Water Dogs are historically work dogs. They are called water dogs because they worked on the boats of Portuguese fishermen in the olden days, where they were considered part of the crew. It was their task to guard the boats in port, to swim and herd fish into the nets, to fetch items that fell overboard, and to even take messages from one boat to another. 
Somalia Pirate Dogs have a somewhat different background. They worked on the ships of pirates in historical times where they helped to seize ships from the crews on the high sea. It was their task to swim to the other ship, and to viciously hold the crew at bay while the pirates boarded the ship and robbed it of its cargo of valuables. The favorite part of these raids for the pirate dogs was looting the galley.

People who own Portuguese Water Dogs have reported that they are high energy dogs and if not kept busy, will find their own ways to amuse themselves. They are said to like chewing up paper and may have been the source of the phrase, "The dog ate my homework." 

The modern Somalia Pirate Dogs are also eaters of paper. The pirate dog is likely to sneak into the Oval Office and chew up any unsigned Congressional bills or other loose documents that are left on the President's desk. Pirate dogs are especially fond of chewing up treaties, which pirates never have liked anyhow.
The Somalia Pirate Dog is a handsome dog. He usually has a black patch of fur over one eye and is especially cute with a red bandana tied around his neck. Many activist groups strongly favor mongrel dogs like the Pirates and believe they make excellent pets when adopted into good homes.

The Obama's are not the first to bring interesting pets to the White House. Other Presidents have had pets, from alligators in the bathtub and white mice, to hippo's and tiger cubs. George Washington even had a parrot, which might have been the first pet in the White House that historically belonged to a pirate.
The addition of the Somalia Pirate Dog to the White House is considered a great political achievement for the current administration. There is nothing like the success story of an underdog to get the nation's attention off of other problems. 

Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss

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