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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is a free-lance writer from  Tennessee. She writes  funny stuff about southern life, women's issues, family matters and anything else that  she finds amusing.

She is seen weekly in the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal  and Hill Country Times and appears in a monthly humor publication called Foolish Times.  She has written for  Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books have recently published a number of her articles in their Let There Be Laughter series of books. Her articles have appeared in numerous other publications, both print and online.

She is a board member and the Web Editor of  Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for  news columnists. She is also the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  as well as a founder of the Southern Humorists writers organization and this website, Humor
Columnist.com

To carry her self- syndicated weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy.


 
Sheila Moss


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Getting Nailed...
   

Getting Nailed

Just call it a passion for fashion, but I recently bought into the acrylic fingernail craze, a vanity industry that has rapidly taken the nation by storm. Nail shops have sprung up like mushrooms in shopping centers, malls, and discount marts everywhere, making artificial nails available and affordable for the average woman, like me.

Now, these shops give regular manicures too, but most women, like me, go for the acrylic nails -- beautiful, long plastic nails for those of us who have brittle nails that break easily -- beautiful, long plastic nails for those of us who are nervous and chew their nails -- beautiful, long plastic nails for those of us who have never had pretty fingernails before.

The manicurist approaches me: "New set or fill?"

I didn't know the lingo.

After I became wiser in the language of nail salons, I found that "new set" means acrylic nail tips. It didn't matter that I didn't understand. She took one look at my ragged nails and knew I was a newbie.

"New set!" she observed.

"Fill in" is done after the nails grow and leave a space between the cuticle and the base of the acrylic nail. I had no idea when I started that I would be returning every two weeks for a follow-up process, or that these nails come with
a life-time commitment.

My fingernails are matched up with artificial tips of the right size. My natural nails are trimmed to the skin and new tips super glued on. With the precision of an artist, the technician dips a small paintbrush in acetone and uses acrylic powder to overlay the nail.

After the nail hardens, there is much grinding to shape and buff the nails. The tool too closely resembles a dental drill for comfort. I quickly learn to sit still and not to try to assist by offering a finger. The wheel buzzes. I close my eyes and hope she knows what she is doing and won't grind off the end of my finger.

"Wash now."

She motions to a sink in the back and I oblige by scrubbing my nails hard with the brush, being certain to wash off all the oil she has brushed onto my cuticles. I don't want to get sent back to do it over again like the lady before me.

"Pick color now."

This means select the color of polish I want from the dozens of bottles of enamel. She waits, wanting me to hurry so she can go on to the next customer. Eventually, I will learn to choose a color ahead of time while I'm waiting and she isn't.

The polish comes in a rainbow of colors. It amazes me what some women do to their nails, making them long and red, or putting tiny designs on them under clear polish. I pass on that look and go for French nails, which are natural with white tips.

"Pay now."

I wonder why I have to pay before she finishes. If I fail to give an adequate tip, will she still do a good job? I put a buck or two in the tip jar, just for insurance. Later, I learn that I am paying ahead to avoid messing up the new polish by digging in my purse.

The manicurist deftly applies several coats of polish, motioning for me to hold my hand in front of a small fan while she works on the other one. And I thought the fan was just there to keep me cool.

"Nice set."

This means she is finished and admiring her work. I am then motioned to sit with my hands under a heat light to bake the nails dry.

Another customer, another set of nails.

I'm hooked and will spend every other week here for years to come. If anyone misses me, just say that I'm getting nailed.


Copyright 2007 Sheila Moss
 
 


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