Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
||Laws for Offices...
The Laws for
It occurred to me the other day when the computer
was down, the phone
ringing off the hook, and I was trying to send a FAX that
through, that there must unseen forces governing offices and
of probability to make us crazy. We donít know how these
exactly, but they seem to reoccur in such a regular pattern that
it is hard
to believe that it is not more than mere coincidence.
If your day is going well, donít check your email.
The better you do your work, the more work you will be given to
Nothing can ever be done in the amount of time allotted to do it.
Time management is another of the tasks that you donít have time
The closer the deadline gets, the more complicated the project
If you suggest a good idea, you will be put in charge of
Your report is never so good that it canít be improved, or so
long that it
canít be longer.
Computers will only calculate the information you give them.
A four-day week with a holiday is longer than a five-day week.
If you take a day off, work will multiply until you get back.
The right decision and the wrong decision are both better than
There is nothing more satisfying than a job well done Ė except
one assigned to someone else.
If you make a coffee ring on a document, it will always be an
Meetings are a waste of time - but an approved and essential waste
When everyone understands policy, itís time to change it.
If you want to get a task done, you have to do it instead of
how to get it done.
The more details in directions, the greater the likelihood they
will not be
If someone sends email to keep from calling, they will call to see
email was received.
An error is never noticed until after the email is sent.
Technology will always create as many problems as it solves.
A stapler always jams and runs out of staples at the same time.
When everyone understand the new computer software, it will be
Any organized, chronological filing system can be fouled up with
two word Ė alphabetize it.
Nothing gets done as fast as it does on the day before going on
The telephone will always ring when you are totally absorbed with
The primary function of office workers is to ensure that paperwork
is never completed.
The easy jobs always end up taking more time than the difficult
After everything is done, we will still worry about whether
The computers worked better before they were upgraded.
Never say anything in an email that you do not want forwarded all
over the office.
The more important a fax, the greater the probability that it will
No matter how busy someone is, they always take time for lunch and
Problems always develop at the end of the day, never at the
The day you have a lunch appointment will always be the day you
canít get away.
Projects are never cancelled until they are nearly completed.
If you misplace it, you will need it; if you find it, you will
you needed it for.
If itís been a great week, something important didnít get
When all else fails, remember you can fix any machine by turning
If you wait until the last minute to run copies, the copy machine
Documents always make more sense before being revised than
You will only find an easy solution after spending all day doing
it the hard
Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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