Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
were welcomed to Florida by torrential rain, thunder and lightning,
tornado warnings and timeshare salesmen. We were warned about the
poisonous snakes, but nobody mentioned the deadly bite of the
timeshare salesman, common to central Florida.
We were visiting Orlando, home of Mouseland USA and the princess
makeover. Signs warned us not to feed the birds as they might become
aggressive. However, the birds were not nearly as aggressive as the
flocks of screaming kids dressed as their favorite Disney fairy tale
princess, complete with gowns, jeweled tiaras, and glitter in their
Florida likes tourists who bring dollars to their economy. Tourists
are helping them to build a new highway system for central Florida.
They stopped us every 500 feet to thank us and to collect another
In order to further enrich their economy, we decided to visit a Disney
Theme Park. We chose Disney Animal Kingdom, which is part zoo, part
amusement, and part hang-out for Italian teenagers. There are an
extraordinary number of foreign tourists at Disney World. They wear
identical warm-up suits and follow a guide with a tall flag. More
languages are spoken there than at the U.N.
Since we didn’t like the Disney Animal World much, we decided to
visit Disney Epcot later in the week. Notice how everything in Orland
starts with the word “Disney?”
At Disney Epcot, everyone else rode the rides. Since I have back
problems, I held my aching back and all the cameras and purses while
everyone else had fun.
The highlight of the day was when I got my picture made with Mickey
Mouse himself. My sister had a picture made with the Chip & Dale
chipmunk characters -– not to be confused with the Chippendale
After visiting two parks, we were getting in the spirit and decided to
visit yet another that I had not seen before, Universal Studio. The
main similarity of the parks was that all the rides ended in gift
I expected to see Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig and Daffy Duck, but apparently
they are not Universal property. Instead I saw Hulk, Spiderman, and
the Cat in the Hat.
At some point while walking down Hollywood Boulevard, we realized that
my honey was missing and his cell phone was dead. After we looked
everywhere, he finally turned up at the front entrance. I suppose it
could be worse -- we could have lost him in Jurassic Park among the
Probably it sounds as if all we did is visit theme parks; however, we
did other things as well, such as, shop for over-priced souvenirs. Put
Disney or Mickey Mouse on anything and the prices is automatically
doubled. No wonder it is called the Magic Kingdom.
We could have gone to a real magic show, but since we had already made
my honey disappear once, we decided to pass on it.
My sister knew about a park where you are supposed to be able to see
manatee, aquatic animals, something like walrus or seals, except they
are vegetarian and like warm waters. We went on a boat tour to see
them. We saw lot of exotic birds, turtles, alligators and some gray
streaks in the water that were supposed
to be manatee.
On the way to the State Park, we stopped at a combination grocery
store and gift shop. Everything there is part gift shop and part
something else. There are fast food gift shops, gas station gift
shops, theater gift shops, and just plain gift shops.
We also went to a dinner show called Arabian Nights near where we were
staying. It was a combination horse circus act and rodeo. In addition
to Arabs, they also had cowboys and a chariot race.We figured that
they must have run out of Arab stuff.
Anyhow, that was my Florida vacation. As the cartoon bubble said at
Universal Theme park, “I need a vacation from my vacation.”
Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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