Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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If I had more time...

If I Had More Time

I could chase dust bunnies under the bed and polish furniture until it shines. I would not have to hope no one comes by to visit because the floors are dirty, and I can't remember the last time the windows were cleaned.

I could dump out dresser drawers and rearrange them. I could clean the closet and find all the things I've not worn because I forgot I had them. Life must be too busy when you daydream of cleaning house.

I could study seed catalogs, plant bulbs in the fall and flowers in the spring. I would have time to grow roses, which need a lot of attention -- attention I don't have time for now.

I could prowl through sale racks to look for good clothes at low prices. I would have time to shop around. I could go to Goodwill for bargains on the first day of the month when everything is half price if I had time.

I could paint that spot on the ceiling where water leaked in years ago. I could hire a handyman to fix the closet doors that stick -- if only I had time.

I could tackle the attic that is such a disaster now that I can't even think about it. I could have a monstrous garage sale and get rid of all the things I don't want that are too good to throw away but not good enough to keep.

I could get rid of all the junk in the garage and park the car without having to hold my breath hoping it will fit in one more time.

I could do crafts, paint pictures, make jewelry, do cross stitch, read that stack of books that I never have time to read. I could spend as much time as I want writing without having to hurry.

I could spend all the time I want on the computer. I could hang out on Facebook and Twitter, waste time online without feeling guilty. I could build websites, surf or blog all day long if I felt like it and if I had time.

I could stay up late and watch TV. If I am tired the next day, I could take a nap instead of drinking more coffee and pushing myself to go on because I have no time.

I could go to events, take short trips to nearby places, eat at interesting restaurants, plan and take vacations to exotic locations. There are so many places to see and I never see them because I don't have any frequent flyer miles, and I don't have time.

I could cook healthy meals instead of eating fast food. I could eat fewer hamburgers and hot dogs, and less hamburger helper. I could dine on roast beef, grilled steak, baked chicken and fresh vegetables. I could dust off my recipe books and try something new. I could make casseroles.

I could have quality time instead of being stressed and complaining because no one helps me with the chores. I could go out to the movies, go on vacations and enjoy good company, instead of fighting rush hour traffic on the Interstate every day.

I could spend time with my daughter, laugh, and watch TV. I could spend time with my grandchildren and give more hugs. I could have a home life instead of having constantly changing roles.

I could have time to do nothing, to ponder, to daydream, to enjoy memories, to watch the sunset, to relax and unwind.

I could live life instead of watching it rush by -- if I had only had more time.

Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss

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