Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
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"Free lunch bag," said the advertisement.
"Hum, that's pretty cute," I thought. "I wouldn't
mind to have one of those. So, what's the catch?"
I flipped the box over and read the conditions. Twenty boxes . .
. that's a lot. I knew they were not giving away lunch bags for
"But, I can do it."
The boxes I am talking about are frozen dinner boxes. Yes, I know, but I
take a frozen dinner to the office for lunch most of the time. It
started when I was on a diet. After I stopped dieting, I kept on
taking frozen lunches. They are better than a baloney sandwich,
and you have to do is grab one out of the freezer in the
Let's see, one box a day, five days a week - it will take a month, I
calculated. That's not too bad, and I have to eat anyhow. Honey eats
them too, so I could get his boxes. This is beginning to sound easier
all the time, I thought, as I decided which one of the styles I liked
The pink one with big dots is really snazzy, "The Ashley - fun
and flirty," it says. But I guess I'll go with "The Nicole - glitz
and glam." A darker color will match more things. Not that it
matters if my lunch bag matches my outfit. What am I thinking?
"Collect 20 unique codes (one code found inside each box). A few
entrees a week will get you there in no time." Okay, so where is
the code? Then I found out that not all the dinners have the code,
only the more expensive dinners. That figures.
I sent my honey an email, "Save your frozen dinner box
and bring it home."
"Bring home the garbage??"?
I had to explain the entire thing to him to get him to bring home the
stupid box. Then wouldn't you just know it? It was the wrong kind, no
So, I ate chicken and rice -- rice and chicken. Some of the
dinners are pretty good, but none of them are gourmet cuisine. How
good can a frozen diet dinner
The boxes stacked up. I started counting. I had fourteen. When is the
deadline? Oh, no, it's the 3rd. There are not enough days left!
I sent out an urgent plea to my co-workers. "If you eat frozen
lunches, can I have your box? I'm saving for a free lunch bag.
"Apparently no one ate the same brand of lunches as me. I got one
lousy box out of it. Still, a box is a box.
Five to go.
Maybe I could buy new lunches and take them out of the boxes, I
thought. I was starting to get desperate.
I went to the grocery store, and the specially marked lunches were
hard to find. I dug deep and came up with five.
I've saved four more this week. One of my five was the wrong kind.
Only one more dinner and I'll have enough. I have to go to the
grocery store again. They better have some of the good boxes
left, or else . . . Or else what? Well, I don't know what, but
after saving nineteen of these things, I want that free lunch bag.
I did have one piece of good news. I read the fine print wrong. I have
until the 31st to save my boxes, not the 3rd. I'm practically assured
of getting a free lunch bag now.
Let me see, at an average of $2.88 per dinner x 20, the free lunch bag
has cost me over $57. But that's not the point. The point is that
I didn't have to pay extra, the lunch bag is FREE.
I really hope they don't give away anything else, though. I can't
afford any more free lunch bags.
Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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