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Meet the
Columnist
Columnist, Sheila
Moss, is a free-lance writer from Tennessee. She writes
funny stuff about southern life, women's issues, family
matters and anything else that she finds amusing.
She is
seen weekly in the Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, Daily News of Kingsport (online) and
appears in a monthly humor publication called Foolish
Times. She has written for Atlanta Woman Magazine,
and a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books have recently published a number of her
articles in their Let There Be Laughter series of
books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous other publications, both print and online.
She is a board member and the Web
Editor of Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
Columnists, the
oldest and largest professional organization
for news columnists. She is also the Web Editor of
SouthernHumorists.com, as well as this website, HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her self- syndicated weekly column in your
newspaper, or
to republish an
article, please contact her.
He rates are guaranteed affordable. It's that easy.
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National
Society of
Newspaper Columnists
HumorColumnist.com
Online Since 1999

Sheila Moss
PO Box 198019
Nashville, TN 37219
E-Mail
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Dollywood Dolly.... |
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Little boy
lost
Why
is it that I keep finding myself at amusement parks? It happened
yet again.
This round actually started when we went to Orlando. What do you
do in Orlando if you don’t go to Disney World? But when I got
back and the grandkids found out that I had been to Disneyworld
-- without them; Well, what could I do except try to make it up
to them?
So that’s how the weekend at Dollywood -- with grandchildren
-- came about.
I’m too old for this. If I wanted to go to amusement parks, I
should have stayed young. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option
on the menu.
It wouldn’t be so bad if I could keep up with people. But
somehow my honey seems to keep getting himself lost. Of course,
to hear him tell it, it’s everyone else that is lost. He knows
exactly where he is.
He reminds of the time when my kids were small and my son got
lost at an amusement park. We all got on a ride, and when we
looked around to count noses, my son was missing.
A lost child is a parent’s worse nightmare. I imagined all
sorts of terrible things, but there was no way to get off the
ride and search until it was over. We found him at the “lost
children” center, eating an ice cream cone.
Ever since then I’ve been nervous about being separated from
people in a crowd. My kids were the ones with tags pinned to
their shirts with their name, address, and phone number on them,
just in case.
Now I have to worry about losing my honey, who is a grown man.
Thank goodness for cell phones so we can call each other if we
become separated.
At Universal Studios in Florida, we were all walking along
together when honey stopped to take a picture. The logical thing
would be for him to continue walking down the street until he
caught up with everyone.
He didn’t.
When we realized he was not with us, we stopped and waited. We
tried to call his cell phone, but his battery was dead. Well,
he’s a grown man. Surely he would realize that he was lost,
find a phone somewhere and call us.
He didn’t.
Since the place was closing down for the day anyhow, we decided
to go to the gate and wait. We wondered if there was a place for
lost grownups to go. Surely he would know not to leave the park
without us.
He didn’t.
He waited for us outside the gate. Finally, he saw us inside.
“Where did you guys go?” he asked.
So, you can imagine my panic when we walked into the park at
Dollywood and honey disappeared the moment we were inside the
gate. Surely, after the Univeral Studios incident, he remembered
to charge his phone this time.
He didn’t.
When he eventually found us again, we made emergency plans to
meet at the fountain if we became separated. We spent a lot of
time at the fountain.
I don’t know why it is that he can’t seem to remember to
charge his phone and can’t seem to stay with the rest of the
group. Maybe he hopes that someone will find him and give him an
ice cream cone.
I’ve had other people tell me stories of becoming separated
from children in department stores or crowds. Usually, it is one
problem child that seems to have a knack for getting away from
them.
Did I mention the time honey jumped on the
transit subway just as the door slammed, leaving me standing on
the platform? I didn’t think so. I try to forget that little
fiasco.
All I know is that the next time we go anywhere with large
crowds, my honey will be the one wearing the name tag with his
name, address, and my cell phone number on it.
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Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
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