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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is a free-lance writer from  Tennessee. She writes  funny stuff about southern life, women's issues, family matters and anything else that  she finds amusing.

 She is seen weekly in the Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton AdvocateDaily News of Kingsport (online) and appears in a monthly humor publication called Foolish Times.  She has written for  Atlanta Woman Magazine, and a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books have recently published a number of her articles in their Let There Be Laughter series of books. Her articles have appeared in numerous other publications, both print and online.

She is a board member and the Web Editor of  Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for  news columnists. She is also the Web Editor of SouthernHumorists.com, as well as this website, HumorColumnist.com. 

To carry her self- syndicated weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. He rates are guaranteed affordable.  It's that easy.



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Sheila Moss
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Dollywood Dolly....
 


Little boy lost

Why is it that I keep finding myself at amusement parks? It happened yet again.

This round actually started when we went to Orlando. What do you do in Orlando if you don’t go to Disney World? But when I got back and the grandkids found out that I had been to Disneyworld -- without them; Well, what could I do except try to make it up to them?

So that’s how the weekend at Dollywood -- with grandchildren -- came about.

I’m too old for this. If I wanted to go to amusement parks, I should have stayed young. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option on the menu.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I could keep up with people. But somehow my honey seems to keep getting himself lost. Of course, to hear him tell it, it’s everyone else that is lost. He knows exactly where he is.

He reminds of the time when my kids were small and my son got lost at an amusement park. We all got on a ride, and when we looked around to count noses, my son was missing.

A lost child is a parent’s worse nightmare. I imagined all sorts of terrible things, but there was no way to get off the ride and search until it was over. We found him at the “lost children” center, eating an ice cream cone.

Ever since then I’ve been nervous about being separated from people in a crowd. My kids were the ones with tags pinned to their shirts with their name, address, and phone number on them, just in case.

Now I have to worry about losing my honey, who is a grown man. Thank goodness for cell phones so we can call each other if we become separated.

At Universal Studios in Florida, we were all walking along together when honey stopped to take a picture. The logical thing would be for him to continue walking down the street until he caught up with everyone.

He didn’t.

When we realized he was not with us, we stopped and waited. We tried to call his cell phone, but his battery was dead. Well, he’s a grown man. Surely he would realize that he was lost, find a phone somewhere and call us.

He didn’t.

Since the place was closing down for the day anyhow, we decided to go to the gate and wait. We wondered if there was a place for lost grownups to go. Surely he would know not to leave the park without us.

He didn’t.

He waited for us outside the gate. Finally, he saw us inside. “Where did you guys go?” he asked.

So, you can imagine my panic when we walked into the park at Dollywood and honey disappeared the moment we were inside the gate. Surely, after the Univeral Studios incident, he remembered to charge his phone this time.

He didn’t.

When he eventually found us again, we made emergency plans to meet at the fountain if we became separated. We spent a lot of time at the fountain.

I don’t know why it is that he can’t seem to remember to charge his phone and can’t seem to stay with the rest of the group. Maybe he hopes that someone will find him and give him an ice cream cone.

I’ve had other people tell me stories of becoming separated from children in department stores or crowds. Usually, it is one problem child that seems to have a knack for getting away from them. 

Did I mention the time honey jumped on the transit subway just as the door slammed, leaving me standing on the platform? I didn’t think so. I try to forget that little fiasco.

All I know is that the next time we go anywhere with large crowds, my honey will be the one wearing the name tag with his name, address, and my cell phone number on it. 


Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
 
 



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