Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
||Spring is Sprung....
is sprung, and with it that blight of suburbia known as the dandelion
has also sprung. Do not tell me that they are merely wildflowers. Do
not say, "If it's green, let it grow." Do not tell me that
dandelions are delicious when prepared correctly or that they are
medicinal herbs or that I should enjoy them instead of cursing their
Dandelions are weeds, vicious, sneaky weeds that masquerade as
innocent yellow wildflowers, but turn into crazed white-headed demons
over night. The slightest puff of wind turns their fluffy white crown
into a hundred seed parachutes and sends the offspring on a mission to
create more demons of the same kind.
I've tried to ignore the spring greening of the lawn, and the
sprouting of the early crop of weeds. But this past weekend, I finally
had to face the inevitable and begin the first round of that detested
annual chore known as "weeding".
When I moved outside of the city, I dreamed of life where the air was
fresh, the living easy, the lawns polished. I would have a yard full
of flowers, a few tomato plants, enjoy the sunshine and be a weekend
Then the demon weeds that live only to spoil the hopes, dreams,
aspirations and lawns of suburbanites ruined it all.
Last weekend I prepared for the annual weed war. Gardening gloves
donned, trowel in right hand, weed spray in the left, I pulled out
some of the larger yellow-headed monsters from the flowerbeds where
the ground was soft. But soon the brittle weeds began to break off at
Dandelions can quickly reincarnate themselves from the smallest bit of
root that is left behind. It is easier to spray them than to pull
them. But then it is weeks before the hideous invaders finally die.
And in their last gasp of life, they go to seed and recreate
themselves a hundred times as their seed is flung to the wind.
It seems hopeless, and the war is merely in the first skirmish. There
are many more to battles left to fight before the end of the summer.
I think I've eradicated the front line of defense. Of course, they
have legions of reinforcements in the lawn. I can scarcely bear to
look at it, bright green with yellow polka dots. I realize that the
enemy has me outnumbered. I retreat and desperately call in
reinforcements from the local lawn service.
"Only one treatment?" they ask. "You will not get the
results you want."
I can't maintain it like a golf course. "I'll just hold them back
for now and counter attack later. "
The weeds will win. They always do. But I will never surrender.
Thistle, plantain, burdock, wild onions and clover all dig in to
resist. But the evil dandelion is the leader of the squad.
Warfare will rage until the end of summer
Weeds always invade places where they are not welcome. Weeds are
prolific reproducers, and grow where other plants cannot. Weeds are
survivors and take away the sun and water from more desirable plants.
I know that into each life a little rain must fall and in each garden
a few weeds apparently must grow. But not my garden, and not if they
I yearn for flowers -- real flowers -- petunias, and marigolds,
begonias and snapdragons.
I will check out the bedding plants down at the garden center and
select my summer annuals. I will plant them and nurture them and maybe
they will last at least until the heat of mid-summer. I crave flowers
that behave themselves and stay in the flowerbeds instead of invading
the lawn looking for trouble.
And if you should be one of those folks that loves the dandelion, come
on over and you can have all you want.
Copyright 2007 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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