Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Kitchen Tree....

The Kitchen Tree

People are beginning to post pictures of Christmas trees on Facebook. A few early birds even posted trees before Thanksgiving. I do not have a tree and am procrastinating the task, as usual. However, I am beginning to feel guilty about my lack of Christmas spirit. Whatís wrong with me anyhow?

I used to blame a lack of Christmas spirit on being forced to do Christmas shopping with the crowds and all the stress involved. Now, I do not shop anymore, or at least not in regular stores. Granny Gift Card is my middle name and Cyber-shopping Mamma is my nickname.

My name should be PayPal Grandma. Since my grandkids found out about iTunes, they do not care about gifts or even gift cards. Now they only want money for their PayPal account. Did you know online game sites will accept only a real Visa card, not a Visa gift card? Ask a teenager if you donít believe me. At least PayPal is easy.

You may think it would be a relief not to have to shop, but shopping has become so much a part of the American Christmas celebration that it is difficult to get in the spirit without it. After all, it is the stores that decorate for Christmas in October and play non-stop Christmas carols. Commercialism is the subliminal voice of Christmas.

I finally had my son bring down part of the decorations from the attic, the box with my Santa figurines. I have dozens of antique Santaís. Donít worry; I didnít rob the bank to pay for my collection. I found 99 percent of them at thrift shops. I have a hard time passing one by, but Iíve had to become a bit more selective lately. After all, there is only so much room on the mantel. My hobby is already starting to overflow into the rest of the house.

After looking at the box for several days, I finally opened it and took out the figures. Seeing them made me feel a bit more motivated. Maybe I will put up a tree after all. My granddaughter will help me decorate it. The cats will help me undecorated it, but Iíll try not to think about that partÖ at least for a while.

The main problem is figuring out where to put the tree. Some people have nice big windows where they always put the tree. I am not one of those people. In todayís smaller homes, a place for a tree can be hard to find, even a small tree. I usually squeeze it into the living room, but it really does make the house seem crowded.

Where can it go? A bedroom? No one would see it in a bedroom. The bathroom? Donít be ridiculous. Where would it go, in the shower? The garage? I thought I said donít be ridiculous. The kitchen? Thatís it; Iíll try the kitchen this year. Seems like a good idea since I will not have a lot of gifts to put under it anyhow. This will be a first. I donít think Iíve ever had a kitchen tree before. Iím starting to get excited.

So, Christmas will be a little less than traditional this year, but rules were made to be broken. I didnít cook a large dinner at Thanksgiving this year, so I plan to go all out and roast a turkey with trimmings. A tree in the kitchen should be perfect.

Who knows, maybe Iíll start a new trend.

Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss

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