Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||A Jaded Week...
A Jaded Week
don't know how to describe it. It is green, greener than spinach, greener than a
grass, greener than the eyes of a cat. It is GREEN, as green as jello. Yes,
that's it, jello. The necklace is treated jade that is dyed and heated to
intensify the color. The thing almost glows in the dark.
Somehow my mind has been drawn to jade this week. I have looked at jade, read
about jade, dreamed of jade and envied jade. I think it is because I came across
the jade necklace that I bought some time ago, but seldom, if ever, wear because
it is too green.
If I could add a pretty pendant and maybe break up the green with beads of
another color, it might look better. I don't usually obsess about something as
foolish as a piece of costume jewelry, but somehow these beads were calling out
ade is an ancient gemstone, treasured by many civilizations, but especially the
Chinese. Early civilizations used it to make knives that were stronger than
steel. We prefer to adorn ourselves with it. Jade is a gemstone of mystery and
There are actually two different types of stone that are called jade, but both
look similar. We think of jade as green, but it can come in many shades and
colors of white, yellow, pink, and red. Older jade was found in China. Today,
most of it comes from Burma.
To make my obsession worse, one of my co-workers came in talking about a
necklace one of our other colleagues had worn. Did you see that jade necklace
she had on? It was red.
Did she say jade? I was green with envy.
Once again I was fixated on jade like a prospector after gold. But I don't want
red jade - my blood is green. I couldn't wait to go shopping. I fed my craving
on eBay. After looking at jade until my eyeballs were avocado, I finally
selected an amulet to add to my necklace.
Jade is said to bring fortune and good luck. It seems to only bring me bad luck.
I'm spending all my time shopping for it on eBay instead of doing anything
I found out that the red necklace came from Steinmart, of all places. Now I have
to go to Steinmart and see what else they have. It couldn't be quality jade if
it came from Steinmart. I was probably heat treated like my unnaturally green
necklace. Heating lowers quality, but is frequently used to make red jade.
I decided that I wanted untreated jade. I could work over the old green
necklace, but I also wanted a new one. I didn't know exactly what I wanted, but
I knew I would know the right necklace when I saw it. While there is nothing
wrong with lesser quality jade, treating makes it loose its value as a gemstone.
So, here I am again shopping on eBay for jade. If it can be found anywhere, it
is on the Internet. If it isn't on the Internet, it doesn't exist. Everything is
on the Internet.
Unfortunately, when you look, you find. I found this gorgeous necklace. I tried
to pass by it and keep looking, but I kept going back. This was my necklace. I
felt the passion. So, I blew my PayPal account balance and ordered the thing. I
can't wait until it comes from China.
I think I'm okay now. My eyeballs are back to normal and I haven't looked at
jade for several days. I do still plan to go to Steinmart this weekend, just to
check, of course.
Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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