Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Home Improvement...

Home Improvement

Spring is here! It's time to renew and revive. There's no time like spring for a few home improvements!

Actually, it all started last winter while we were gone to my grandsonís birthday party and we had that hailstorm. When I got home, the yard was full of hailstones. I figured the roof was okay. It wasnít until later that the water started coming through the living room ceiling. Then I noticed that everyone on the street was suddenly getting a new roof Ė except me.

How could it be that everyone else had roof damage and I didnít? There was nothing to do at that point, but get the roof fixed. Those variegated shingles look so much better and than the old roof and it is such a pretty shade of gray now.

Naturally, something had to be done about the spot on the ceiling and wall where the water had leaked in, so there was no choice except to paint the entire living room and hall. It was not my fault either that the curtains fell apart when I washed them. I opened up the washer and found a big ball of string where my curtains used to be. Guess I forgot how old they actually were.

As any woman knows, get something new and it makes everything else looks dreadfully shabby. That old front door looked absolutely awful after the new paint job on the rest of the room. Iíd wanted to get it replaced for ages anyhow, and this was the perfect time.

Well, I got all that fixed and wouldnít you just know it? The carpenter that fixed the door was also a painter. He couldn't help but notice how much my house needed an exterior paint job. Iíve never liked the color anyhow and with the new roof, it looks tackier than ever.

Iím really excited about getting it painted. It is going to look great. Iím having trouble deciding on a color, though. My grandson suggested red. Never ask a four-year-old what color to paint a house. Iím thinking that maybe gray would match the roof best. I got a paint chart and canít believe all the different shades of gray there are.

Before the house could be painted, I had to get the shrubs trimmed back. The yard guy wanted to just dig them all up and replace them as they are really overgrown, but I had to draw the line somewhere. I canít do that and recarpet the living room too. Since the door is fixed, Iíve been thinking how much better the living room would look with new carpeting.

My honey asked me if I was going to redecorate the whole house. Men are so silly! Why on earth would I do that? He would be perfectly happy with peeling paint and buckets to catch the water coming through the ceiling. Men donít understand that the roof and exterior paint must coordinate, not to mention the walls, drapes, and carpeting. I wonder if it matters whether the inside and outside coordinate?

I really think my furniture will work okay with the color scheme. No point going overboard with this redecorating, even though Iíve not done any major home improvement in at least 10 years.

This should be all I need to do for a long time - unless you consider the bathrooms. Come to think of it, Iím getting tired of that wallpaper in the bathroom too. Wouldnít it be a coincidence, if the carpenter turned painter also does wallpaper? Maybe Iíll ask him Ė as long as he is going to be here anyhow.

Remind me not to let my grandson pick the color for the wallpaper, though.

Copyright 2003 Sheila Moss

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